Althea

“Coincidence is God's way of staying Anonymous”

- Albert Einstien

I said in my last blog that I was probably sharing TMI.  I did. Atheist Angel sent me a link describing TMI.  Atheist Angel wrote that she was just trying to help. If I've ever needed to listen to anyone, it's my Atheist Angel. By the way, I'm trying to stick to my self imposed rule on anonymity. That's why I have always used nicknames for everyone. That's why I created the nickname Atheist Angel.

It's a long story how I came about letting everyone know that I am an addict. I didn't want to tell anyone! I was asked by an addiction councilor to share that I started shooting up with a couple of people who mean so much to me. It's a story I don't want to write about again, but eventually, I would learn something from it. God is the Truth and The Truth is God. I also understand something else – anonymity.
 

New Years Eve was really Good for me. First, I went to a recovery meeting for Deadheads. I was able to share something so important that I can share in an anonymous meeting. I'm trying to keep it that way, so I try not to use too many terms from such a group. In such a group, a person chooses a person who has been clean for a while to help them and guide them through their recovery. The person who does that for me I'll call St. Stephen. St. Stephen also has a person who does that for him. I'll call him Fire on the Mountain. This puts Fire on the Mountain in my recovery family. He's equivalent to my Grandfather. Or as I learned from my hillbilly Kentucky side of the family, he's my Papa!
 

I can still hear my dads side of the family saying “Papa” in their hillbilly Kentucky southern accent! I'm from Cincinnati! My dad moved up from the hills of Kentucky when he was a teenager. Cincinnati is where the North begins! I love Kentucky, but I'm not a Southerner. And, I ain't no hillbilly ya'all! Okay, it is in my blood. But now, I'm so West Coast.
 

After the recovery meeting, I was able to enjoy something I wrote in my last blog that would always be in my soul – music. I was able to play music with the lead guitar player for the band I'm in, The Alanos. I will call him Alanos Lead. Fire on the Mountain joined Alanos Lead and I on drums. We of course started out with some Grateful Dead songs. We did Man Smart (Woman Smarter) and Fire on the Mountain. I love those songs. The Grateful Dead played Man Smart (Woman Smarter) at so many Grateful Dead shows Athiest Angel and I attended. Atheist Angel was and still is quite the women's activist. We loved that song. We danced away every time it was coincidently played! Perhaps Atheist Angels nickname will be Man Smart (Woman Smarter)! That's it, at least for this blog.
 

Last night was such a great way to end last year and begin this new year. Music is in my soul. The Grateful Dead was and will always be a part of our life. Especially Man Smart (Woman Smarter)'s life. I learned something a long time ago. God is The Truth and The Truth is God. I also understand that writing every nitty-gritty dirty whacked out crazy detail about me is not something I need to do. By not using, I will not have to write every nitty-gritty dirty whacked out crazy detail about me because there will be no nitty-gritty dirty whacked out crazy details to write about.
 

If I Live in The Truth, I will keep my Word. I said I needed to stay clean and keep writing. I need to keep writing about something. Preferably something Good. God is The Truth and The Truth is God. 

It was the circumstances surrounding my hillbilly dad's death that made me understand that God is The and The Truth is God. It also reminds me that I should listen to people who care about me. The first thing I wrote since college was my dad's eulogy, with input from my three brothers. Three months after his death, in September of 2006, I was pistol whipped. After that I started writing this blog. I had no idea how much I would share in that first blog.  I slowly shared more each blog.  I explain much of this on November 3, 2006 in a blog I wrote called Contrails. This blog explains how I already knew I didn't have to share everything with everyone. It helped me understand The Truth. It also helped realize just how horrible addiction is.
 

If I keep my Word, I will not use. I will live in The Truth. This isn't hard for so many people because so many people are Good. I've always said that for me, using is easy, but it makes life hard and that not using is hard, but it makes life easy.

Man Smart (Woman Smarter), aka Atheist Angel suggested I not share TMI. I need always listen to my Atheist Angel because it is true that "Women are Smarter". Just ask The Grateful Dead. It was at a Grateful Dead concert that I first began to understand that something was going on. Coincidences occurred to often at Grateful Dead shows. I like what Albert Einstein said in the quote at the beginning of this blog  - "Coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous."  Anonymity matters. Because in the end, God knows The Truth about everything. Which is why my New Years resolution is to keep my Word.
 

I will do my best to keep this blog anonymous for everyone but me. Music is in my soul. I ended last year the way I want to start and keep this year. In the spirit of anonymity, I will name this blog another one of my favorite Grateful Dead songs. I will name it Althea. Coincidentally enoungh, this song is on a Grateful Dead album called, Go to Heaven.  Even if I wasn't trying to be anonymous I couldn't put into words how much this song and this blog means.
 

Happy New Year!

I told Althea I was feeling lost
Lacking in some direction
Althea told me upon scrutiny
my back might need protection

I told Althea that treachery
was tearin me limb from limb
Althea told me: now cool down boy -
settle back easy Jim

You may be Saturday's child all grown
moving with a pinch of grace
You may be a clown in the burying ground
or just another pretty face
You may be the fate of Ophelia
sleeping and perchance to dream -
honest to the point of recklessness
self centered to the extreme

Ain't nobody messin with you but you
your friends are getting most concerned -
loose with the truth
maybe it's your fire
but baby I hope you don't get burned
When the smoke has cleared, she said,
that's what she said to me:
You're gonna want a bed to lay your head
and a little sympathy

There are things you can replace
and others you cannot
The time has come to weigh those things
this space is getting hot -
you know this space is getting hot

I told Althea
I'm a roving sign -
that I was born to be a bachelor -
Althea told me: Ok that's fine -
So now I'm out trying to catch her

Can't talk to me without talking to you
We're guilty of the same old thing
Talking a lot about less and less
And forgetting the love we bring