Three Days

(I wrote this blog 6/2/2012)

"Three things cannot be long hidden.  The sun, the moon and the truth."
 -Gautama Siddharta

Casablanca has always been one of my favorite movies.  It's a love story, but more importantly, like many good movies, it's about the battle of good and evil.  I say this about a lot of movies, songs and works of art, but this one was without a doubt.  It was basically Hollywood's version of American propaganda during World War II.  When the movie was written, the outcome of the war was of course not known.  Lot's of horrific things weren't yet known.  What we know now - Good won.

Three days ago I dropped Susan off at the airport.  Three hard things are about to happen.  I believe we both have important things The Universe needs us to do.  I'll leave it at that.

Recently, I briefly wrote about how the number three has been prevalent in my life over the years.  I was never really sure why I noticed this.  I'm still not completely sure.   I don't even remember all of the reasons it was such big deal in my life years ago.  Somewhere, I had written down many of the times that number came up in my life for the day I wrote this blog.  Somewhere.  I know it started with me noticing this every time I came to a corner the cross walk signals were at the number three.

I also seemed to notice clocks when it was 3:33.  I used to assume it meant I was half way to hell.  I might have been closer than that.

I currently have three people I struggle to get a long with at CityTeam.  Two of them are now my roommates.  At least it's not all three of them!  Actually, my relationship with one of the three has improved.  The other two seems to be going the other way.  I don't like this.  

There are some here at CityTeam who are always so worried about what I am doing.  If I do make a small honest mistake - their just waiting to pounce.  They love telling me what's wrong with me and when I make mistakes.

I'm asked to do a lot at CityTeam.  I'm asked to not do so much.  I'm asked to do a lot. I'm asked to not do so much.  When I do a lot, without complaining, it requires I be present and all over the place - and speak.  My intentions are always good - even if I've mistakenly done something I'm not suppose to be doing.  I'm man enough to be told that I've done something wrong.  Don't reprimand my like I'm so wrong or like I'm a child.  And, when I've had enough and let it be known, don't tell me to "hit the door."  I know I'm more important to this place than my little mistakes and my putting up for myself when I've heard enough.  If I annoy you, know my intentions are always good - they have to be.  I also want them to be.  And, oh yeah, don't tell me not to take it personal when you make it personal!

I've got enough going on in my life.  I don't want to have to be dealing with this petty BS from a few guys who do nothing but worry about what others are doing while there breaking all kinds of rules.  I've never pointed your mistakes out to you or anyone.  Lay off.

You guys from Philadelphia I was with this morning - thank you.  I was having a hard day until I hung out with you.  Sorry about my ranting and raving.  It's like I told you, this is a hard place to be.  I still love CityTeam and all of the guys here.  All of them.

My high used to last for three days.  Morning to night, morning to night, morning to night.  I wasted a lot of years - three days at a time.  

Three good things have happened.  

Three days ago, I moved upstairs to the hotel.  I am grateful.  I love all of my roommates, but I'm really glad to be in there with one of them.  I really only have a deteriorating relationship with one of them.  Me and the other guy's relationship has improved a lot.  I hope my relationship with the one that seems to be getting worse starts to improve as well.  I'm okay with it.  I'll pray for it and him. 

Three days ago, I was taken out of the kitchen.  I am now the driver.  The kitchen was the source of a lot of my stress - especially when I am the boss.  I will ask people to do their job in a nice way.  This doesn't mean people don't flip out on me.  Also, some of these guys like to think they are at a Marriott breakfast buffet.  YOUR NOT.  Be grateful.  eat what's served.  Perhaps you can find something better on top of a garbage can.  Perhaps I'm no better for making such a suggestion.  I just get frustrated.  I'm out of the kitchen.  I like to drive.  It's also kind of hard.  However I'll take having to drive all the time in San Francisco road rage any day over the gratitude I get for cooking for some of these guys.

Three days ago I was advanced to Module two.  (not three).  Three is next in three months.

I can't remember all the number threes.  Last time before I relapsed, I had 103 days clean.  Susan and my parking spot was number 103.  We lived on the third floor of our building.  My new room number is #3.  

(I was going to put photos up of a crosswalk at 3, my old room #3 (coming soon!), and an alarm clock at 3:33.  However, I am in the Santa Cruz Mountains and I want to get this blog current.  Those photo opportunities aren't here.  It's nice to be here.)

It might have something to do with this Trinity thing.  Maybe I just like the Janes Addiction song.  It's bigger than that.

Three days was the morning.
My focus three days old.
My head, it landed
To the sounds of cricket bows...

I am proud man anyway...
Covered now by three days...

Three ways was the morning.
Three lovers, in three ways.
We knew when she landed,
Three days she'd stay.

I am a proud man anyway...
Covered now by three days...

We saw shadows of the morning light
the shadows of the evening sun
till the shadows and the light were one.

Shadows of the morning light
the shadows of the evening sun
till the shadows and the light were one...

True hunting is over.
No herds to follow.
Without game, men prey on each other.
The family weakens by the bite we swallow...

True leaders gone,
Of land and people.
We choose no kin but adopted strangers.
The family weakens by the length we travel...

All of us with wings...
All of us with wings...
All of us with wings!
All of us with wings!
All of us with wings!
All of us with wings!

Erotic Jesus lays with his Marys.
Loves his Marys.
Bits of puzzle,
Fitting each other.

All now with wings!

Oh my Marys!
Never wonder...
Night is shelter
For nudity's shiver...

All now with wings...