Dreamer - Touch of Grey

I have to admit, things really seem going my way.  A couple mornings ago I woke up and did my usual.  I turned on the news.  It's been years since I've been a person who wakes up and turns on the news.  Seeing that I have little choice these days, I guess it's what I do. And, I get breakfast in bed.  Life in the hospital - Oh boy!  I really can't complain.  It sure beats being dead, which is what my tweaked out insane mind had somehow planned AND attempted the morning of January 15th - Suicide!  I still can't come to terms with that. 

Anyway, the good news on the news a couple of mornings ago was the ground breaking of the Transbay Terminal Tower.  The Transbay Terminal Tower is a skyscraper that has been planned for years in San Francisco.  At first it was of course a "proposed skyscraper", as all skyscrapers start out being.  I have always kept my eye on "proposed skyscrapers".  Even when I lived in Cincinnati.  I remember the days of Fountain Square West.  It was a skyscraper that was to be the tallest in Cincinnati.  It was to be just west of Fountain Square.  I was excited about it's future - back then.  It was going to be 689 feet tall!   It was, of course, never built.  I hate to say it, but it seems many things were proposed in my old city, yet never built.  Things like skyscrapers, Subways, Light Rails, etc..  I am not downing Cincinnati.  In fact, it seems, it's days of not building proposed things may seem to be changing.

After living here for 11 years, I have noticed in San Francisco that if "they" say something is going to be built - it gets built!  In fact, The Transbay Terminal Tower is being built right next door to the "once proposed" Transbay Terminal.  The Transbay Terminal will be home to the"once proposed" California High Speed Rail.  Which I hate to say was another thing that got cancelled in Ohio by the newly elected governor - Ohio High Speed Rail!  I was also very excited about it in Ohio.  It's happening here.  High speed rail that is.  So to is that proposed high rise that is counting on the increased business and human traffic at the base of the extremely tall facility with 1.3 million square feet of class A rentable space!  At 1070 Feet, it will be the tallest building on the west coast.



Transbay Terminal and Transbay Terminal Tower

I love Skyscrapers - especially really tall ones!  I look forward to photographing it's construction and it's existence in the skyline!  In fact, San Francisco probably has at least 15 skyscrapers under construction right now.  It's pretty amazing.  Before this "incident", I kept wanting to go out and photograph every single skyscraper under construction!  This city is really transforming it's skyline!  I'll admit, I can be a bit of a dork about this stuff!  I'm glad I'm alive to be able to answer that dream of mine some day.  I think Cincinnati is also building a couple of skyscrapers soon.  I also think the street car project is being built downtown.  I was really proud of The Banks project!  And, I like Cincinnati's new tallest building, Queen City Tower.  It's official height is 666 feet tall!  It is an interesting height for me, I must say.

 

Queen City Tower is in the foreground.  The brown brick building to the left and in the background is the Carew Tower.  The Carew Tower at 574 feet, was the tallest building in Cincinnati for 80 years!  I worked in The Carew Tower until I moved to San Francisco 11 years ago.

I must admit, other things I feel good about - actually involve me.  I was recently told I don't have to have surgery on my neck!  When I "fell" about 50 feet January 15th, I broke my neck.  Thankfully, 50 feet tall was the tallest building my crazy/insane mind could find that morning as the sun came up.  I was walking towards "the wilderness" that morning but could only manage to walk south a mere 16 miles that early morning.  I spotted San Bruno Parking Garage, by SF International Airport. The plan of being consumed into the ground by The Big Bad Wolf (which was actually what the devil called itself this last relapse) to exchange my soul to help the soul of others was off because I didn't make it to the wilderness before sunrise.  I was only hurting people, so for me to stop doing that, suicide was my only option.  I was so badly against this option but so badly wanted to stop hurting others souls in that "parallel universe."

 

As I guess I was suppose to accomplish, my neck was not shattered like my lower backbone.  It had to have surgery and has very many screws, pins and metal pieces inserted.  I no longer have to wear my neck brace!  Let me tell you, I don't miss it!  AT ALL!  It was really uncomfortable. My neck feels really free and much more comfortable now!

 

Another new thing for me to enjoy is the shower!  I know it sounds silly, but a couple of weeks ago I had my first shower!  I had not had one in 2 1/2 months!  It felt so good!  At first, I needed nurses to help me, so it was a little weird but being in that shower and especially how clean I was afterwards, felt great!  After just a couple of my assisted showers, I was approved to take my own shower.  Well, now that it's in the past and I'm doing lots of other things by myself, I must admit that I essentially approved myself to take my own shower!   The original assisted showers required that I got wheeled in on this thing that had a toilet seat, providing an opening so we could get my under side clean.  It was a little strange feeling and not to be too revealing in this blog, but I did feel a little wangly dangly down there!  Once approved to do my own, I simply wheel myself in and switch over to the shower seat that can be lowered from the wall.  Like I said, taking showers is beautiful!  Especially when I wasn't all wangly dangly!  I get two a week - one tomorrow! I can't wait until tomorrow!

 

((Tomorrow, Saturday, has since arrived - it felt soooo good this morning.  wow.  Gratitude feels beautiful.  (OKAY, Now that this blog has taken me three days to write, I now know I am allowed to take showers every day!  Today is Sunday.  Easter Sunday!  Happy Easter!  I learned this after I did my usual sponging off and already put my ankle cast and clothing on for the day.  I'll probably start a daily shower routine starting tomorrow.  I don't get to a place in which I need a shower to much, but showers do feel so nice and I have plenty of time!  I used to take them to literally help me wake up.))

 

I may have mentioned this in a past blog, but even if I did, I'm sure it has improved.  Something I do on my own, obviously, these days is go to the bathroom on my own.  It's not always easy to do, but it happens - slowly but surely.  I am grateful for this occurrence no matter how long it takes me.  Again, it's not always a simple task, but I can do it myself these days.   Well, that's if you don't count the person who dumps my urinal in the middle of the night for me.  That person is the same person who used to give me drugs - every four hours. 

Now, that I've switched the type of drugs I'm given and only need one type of pain medication every 12 hours, I'm not sure that urinal dumping will continue.  That's something, I could do myself- of course.  (I just like to know that I am on my way to being completely self-sufficient.)

 

In the past, I was given Oxycodone for the broken and shattered bones pain.  Now I'm given Morphine.  I'm still given Gabapentin for the nerve damage pain I have from shattering my back bone. The nurse who just gave me one of my doses of something told me I'm given a huge dose of Morphine!  I have lots of shattered bones, but I must admit, my being an addict does worry me when I hear such comments.  It's not like I ask for huge doses.  I guess I just need them, so I'm given them.  She said I take 250 milligrams twice a day.  I have no idea what that means or just how much that really is.  Truthfully, that is not a language I speak.  I could tell you how many grams of speed I used to IV, but I'd rather not go there.  I have been an IV using speed freak for the last 8 0r 9 years.  I never was a pill popper and I never liked heroin when I tried shooting it.  

 

I began this blog by discussing how I watch the television news.  Another thing I do is look at the newspaper.  I look at The San Francisco Chronicle, which is the local newspaper I worked for when we first moved here.  In an effort to stay connected to Cincinnati news, I also look at Cincinnati.com in the morning.  Cincinnati.com is The Cincinnati Enquires web connection.   This week, they had a week long special about how many people in Cincinnati were becoming heroin addicts.  They were becoming addicts because they were introduced to oxycodone due to an injury and was given that pain killer to help reduce the pain that followed. 

In fact, I remember years ago, my grandmother grew up in a dry county, yet, moonshine producing county in the hills of Kentucky. She herself could not stand drinking alcohol by herself or the drinking of alcohol by anyone.  She even referred to alcohol as "the devil".    When my cousin and I rented the upstairs unit of a two family home with her in Cincinnati, one night she fell down the front steps. She shattered her left ankle - just as I recently have done.  She was given Oxycodone for the pain.  She was someone who was always against alcoholism and addiction, but I recall her struggling herself with needing that drug for pain.  I am an addict.  I must say, my remembering this does worry me.  Especially if she of all people, my angel of a grandmother struggled with an apparent "need" for oxycodone.

 

I have to share something that I know I have already written in this blog.  I was struggling with what I should name this blog, but inside, I just really knew what song I had to use.  I just knew it!  Now I really know it.  I just turned on the radio.  I always have it tuned to KFOG.  One of the first songs that came on was a Grateful Dead song!  At first, my mind was like,  "Hey, it's a Grateful Dead song."  Then I realized what song it was and I was like, "Hey, it's 'Touch of Grey' - Of Course!!"

 

Now, let me get back to the Cincinnati.com week long cover story about how Heroin addiction has been on a major rise in Cincinnati.  Since it was hard to access Oxycodone and because of the price was so great for Oxycodone, many people throughout Cincinnati and all it's suburbs alike were using heroin for their pain.  Some overdose.  Some die. 

 

Again, those very popular drug types, heroin and oxycodone, were never my drugs of choice.  I'm a speed freak who loves the rush I get from shooting crystal meth.  However, I can't deny that I am an addict and I am in pain.  I will also admit that the drug I was switched to due to my pain issues throughout the night, morphine, I did buy on the street and use a few times.  I bought the drug on the street the same way I get that drug here - in pill form.  I only did it a few times, but the times I did use them on the streets, I crushed them up, added water and shot them.  I liked the way it helped me come down.  I WILL NEVER USE AGAIN.  I just wanted to point out a fearful possible reality out there for me in the future if I don't have insurance, have little money and I am in great pain.  I feel like I am someone who can really take on a lot of pain, but crushed bones all over my body including places I walk and my backbone is quite a bit for me to take on some day. 

 

I'm sorry about that.  It is important I keep recovery first - no matter what I say or how I feel.

 

Recovery is beautiful!  I love being around people!  Especially when people are clean!  I'm not trying to isolate myself anymore.  During my last run that lasted only 2 1/2 months, I was so isolated, it scared me!  One thing I get lots of here in the hospital is visitors!  Last week, I've averaged about 2 visitors a day!  I loved it!  I've always loved people.  Always!  Being an addict for too long creates a condition of isolation.  It becomes horrible.   It becomes a condition no human being should ever have to endure!

 

I said I have been having many visitors.  Many of my San Francisco visitors are in recovery, of course.  A couple of my visitors were from Cincinnati.  A couple of the visitors attend the church I attended last year that I was introduced to while in my rehab program.  I still consider myself a member of that church.  That church is City Church.  I will name it, because I am proud to say I will never have anything bad to say about it.  If I do, I'll say it and still love it.  In fact, I am going to try go to church this Easter if I possibly can.  I hope so. 

 

(Today is now Easter Sunday.  I must admit, I am feeling pretty loopy and confused in the brain.  I had a nurse ask me if I felt this way earlier.  I also had Susan ask me if I was drugged up.  She said I sounded funny.  She knows I got switched to Morphine recently. Just now, I heard something drop in the other room and it took me by surprise.  I get a lot of it and I take it in pill form.  I only took it about an hour ago, so....  I told Susan I crushed them up and shot them....  I was just being silly.   I guess that stuff does make me a bit silly.  I had called Susan to ask her the name of the neighborhood they put that new Cincinnati Casino.  She told me - Broadway Commons.  She went last night.  I was also curious if I still had a desktop computer monitor in my storage unit.  She said no.  I think I do.  I am babbling.  I feel tired and spacy also.  Okay, back to proofreading only so I can get this thing posted today!)

 

Back to Cincinnati visitors topic!  As far as those two visitors from Cincinnati, they brought me the things I really love.  One brought me two forms of chocolate to make my milk into chocolate milk!  One brought me lemons.  Two of my favorite things in life are chocolate and lemons.  I love them both.  Which reminds me, my oldest brother just mailed me chocolate and other helpful supplies like hair and teeth care supplies!  Good thing, since he sent me chocolate! 

As far as the two visitors from Cincinnati, one actually lives out here, but is originally from Cincinnati.  Actually I should say I had 3 visitors from Cincinnati.  Two of them live in Cincinnati.  She was my friend.  Her husband is my new friend.  The nice lady who lives here now, and brought me lemons, lives down on the Peninsula.  She actually moved to The Bay Area before me.  The last time she lived in San Francisco, I'm pretty sure she lived in The Mission District.   Actually, it might have been in the Potrero Hill area.  Now a days, she is probably closer to San Jose.  I think she lives in Mountain View - close to Stanford.  She has stopped and visited me twice.  I had to even admit to her, her first visit was very cloudy to me!  I wasn't quite with it all the way back then.  She let me know - It was very obvious!  I was rather out of it! 

Which reminds me of another good friend I was sending emails to starting in my early days of being conscious back in February.  Her emails somehow got switched to going to my "other" emails on Facebook so I never responded to her last one she sent me just after my fundraising event because I never saw it!  She was really a big part of my fundraising event and I really do thank her for that.  I used to flirt with her a while back - before she had someone who is serious in her life.  Well, apparently I wasn't always to clear on her having someone in her life in the early days of being "conscious" and enjoyed letting her know how cute she is.  She just is. :)  I felt so silly when I read the words I typed back then as I read them today.  I even read some to Susan, just to see if it was silly and she agreed.  I was silly!  I was pretty loopy at times!!  Susan and I both got a laugh out of my silly words I had typed to her back then.  She really is a great person who has always been kind to me.

 

Drugs.   LOL.  Those drugs and my loopiness were even controlled by doctors!  I also had a skull fracture lets not forget.  When I first got to this hospital, my first few appointments were to determine my sanity.  After all, I did break my skull after falling 50 feet.  I am okay.  Now.  Well, I'm getting there.  LOL.

 

I had a visitor today (Friday) that I had not seen almost 3 years!  He's a good guy.  I met him in recovery about 3 years ago.  I was a bit worried about him. We became really close back then.  In fact, Susan and I went to his mothers home that year which was the year Susan saved my life and I was unconscious in the ICU for a week.  I took photos of the Blue Angles from his mothers rooftop that year of Fleet Week.   She lives in North Beach which is the really cool neighborhood I just lived in before my "incident".  She has a really cool home with a beautiful rooftop view!  She lives at the top of Telegraph Hill.  I got lots of good shots including these three that day. 



Coit Tower has always meant a lot to me. In 1995, it is the location I chose to propose to Susan.  Susan and I still get along and I pray the best for her life and her new marriage.  Much of our existence together in the not so distant past, I can still admire.  My addiction was just to much for our marriage to overcome.

Coit Tower was built in 1933 with a large donation from Lillie Hitcock Coit.  She admired firefighters because of the brave work they did following the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake.  It is said that it was built to resemble a fire fighters nozzle!

At 853 feet, The TransAmerican Pyramid is currently the tallest building in San Francisco.  It is also my second favorite skyscraper in the world!  My favorite is New York Cities Chrysler Building.  My last apartment in North Beach was located in the shadow of this beautiful building.

The thing about this friend I met in recovery is that he is just like many of the friends I seem to meet these days - he is still in recovery!  In fact, he has a couple years clean now-a-days. 

I must admit that I do find that there is truly such a thing as coincidences that do occur these days.  There is simply to many simulation of alignments for me to ignore.

He works at a detox center in The Haight Ashbury District.  In fact, I have been to that detox center 3 times.  It's the one I went to about a year ago before going into the last program I was in.  He is also going to school to become a drug counselor.  He's going to stop back on Monday and meet with me so he can write a paper about me for school.  I have another friend who photographs me all the time in here.  Perhaps I should hook them up.  Perhaps the three of us should be involved in this project!  I sure write enough about my crazy self!  And, lately I sure have been taking lots of self portraits with my phone and my computer.  Who knows, maybe I've already written the paper for him!  Oh, that'd be cheating and we can't do that!

 

Oh yeah, since I'm babbling like crazy, I would also like to add that my other friend from Cincinnati, who still lives in Cincinnati and is married, bought me Pastels and art paper.  I was inspired to work with pastels as a direct result and created this piece this week, after her visit:

 

Sky - I got it's name from the first person who walked up to it and made a name suggestion.

After seeing this, my friend from Cincinnati offered to buy a pastel work from me.  Her doing so just spurred me on to think up a price for such a work.  The truth is, I had no idea how pricing works for such works of art.  I have sold photos for years, so I know how that works!  After quoting her a price last week, I've decided I'm going to do one for free  for her instead.   I mean she came to San Francisco AND bought me this really cool stuff!  She bought me chocolate milk making stuff and pastel photo making stuff.  I will truly enjoy doing such work for her.  She mentioned either a San Francisco skyline or one of the Golden Gate Bridge shot so, we'll see.  I sure would like to do a Cincinnati skyline!  Maybe I could do that for myself, unless of course she wants it.  She may want something San Francisco related.

I do work a couple times a week here anyway, so I'll do something.  Some day, as a result of the tools she supplied, I will sell something.  And, that chocolate she bought me has helped to continue put a tiny bit of padding on my tummy.  I get two needles a day in my tummy to help me not develop blood clots.  I had lost 30 pounds and was down to 125lbs a few weeks ago!  A few weeks ago, my stomach had no fat - none.  Normally, I'd be great with such a stomach, however, needles directly into stomach muscle!  OUCH!  Tummy please!

 

Her and my brothers and my aunts and many other loving friends and family have provided me with chocolate and other sweets and goodies to finally give me a little tummy!  Thanks everyone.  Seriously!

 

I already spoke about my long distance friends and family and how awesome they are and how cool it's been that we've renewed our relationships with one another.  So many have sent me so many nice treats.  And, we talk to each other on the phone so many nights a week.  Some of them I talk to every night!

 

My aunt from Cincinnati hooked me up with so many cool things!  It was as if it was Christmas!  I'm not kidding.  I have not experienced a real Christmas or something even close to that in any form in over 2 years!  The last two days of Christmas, I was all alone.  One of them I was homeless and I stayed on a beach right next to The Golden Gate Bridge all night and day.  That year I panhandled for as much money I could at 4th Market Street on Christmas Eve so I could get super high and then make it as if Christmas never happened.  This last Christmas I had a place - but I basically did the exact same thing.   Begging wasn't necessary, but I did make it as if Christmas never happened - I think.  Both were a mess.  Enough said.

My last New Years Eve, was probably one of the most messed up nights I've had in a long time. Wow.  It was so messed up.  Wow.  I can't even explain it.  I feel bad about that one.  I shouldn't explain it even this much.  The Truth.  I was in one of those places I should not have been in.  She didn't speak a lot of English, but the one comment I was slightly understanding was:  "No, Dohn't do0 dat.  Dey wheel keel yhou".  I was really freaked out that night.  I was so afraid.  Not a good way to be.  Enough!  If anyone needs details. I may be willing share, but for now, I want to change the subject!

Getting all these beautiful gifts this week felt just like Christmas!  Most of what I got was cloths and art supplies.  I was so happy.  I still am.  Every morning I get to wear something new!  It's like Christmas every day.  I love my aunt for being so considerate.  I got Bengals and Reds clothes!  I also got superman clothes!  I've been very, very happy - and  very comfortable!

 

Superman - I Will Survive!  I appreciate my aunt also mailed me some of those rubber wrists bands that say "David Beaty" on one side and, "I Will Survive", on the other.  I love them!    (And, it's 5:08PM on Tuesday and I'm getting close to posting this seriously babbling blog.  I'm doing one final  proof read due to the fact that there has been so much technical and loopy mind difficulties.  The hospital picks a movie to play every day and announces the movie that's it's going to play just before it's played.  Today, they chose to play Superman Returns.  It was announced at 4:00PM.)

Who Dey!

And this one belongs to The Reds!

Oh well, a touch of grey, kind of suits you anyway, That was all I had to say, and it's alright I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.  Don't I choose a song for each blog?

I'd rather not get into this right now, because I wanted this blog to be about how things have been going well for me and how I have reason to be happy.  This is true, however, I just got my little TV connected radio fixed today and I left it on the first channel it comes on is 96.5.  It's a soft rock channel.  That song by Extreme, More Than Words, just came on.  I don't here that song much, but it instantly made me cry.  I'm an emotional mess these days. 

 

 

 

 

 

I remember when that song came out - 1991.  I just graduated in 1990.  Susan was about to graduate in 1992.  Susan and I and my brother and a couple friends and my cousin spent part of the summer in Miami with my aunt and uncle.  I specifically remember this song being on when we were heading to a flea market located in The Everglades!  That band ended up being kind of cheesy.  However, they had just came out and we had the CD and were listening to it.  This song stood out to us both back then.  I'll leave this alone.  I'm still a bit emotional over this song.

Sunday 3/31/13 @ 9:30 PM 

(Okay, so I actually wrote the part below before I wrote the part above about my coming to terms with Touch of Grey.  I think I thought I already wrote this below part.  I think I've touched on this being my third day of writing this blog.  I'm not sure how much I've touched on just how whacked out of my head I feel.  I have to be honest and will tell my Doctor tomorrow.  This drug has me feeling really whacked out of my head.  I was told by a nurse earlier that after a few days, it may have a really strong effect on me based the great amount I am taking.  Apparently it is!  Wow. 

I am actually completely confused!!  Wow.  Just so you know, I have shared this mindset of mine with Marilynn.  I also let her know I would tell a Doctor tomorrow.  It's really weird to deal with trying to write.  I really wanted to finish this blog.  However, I am having so many technical difficulties, I really can't.  It's driving me nuts.  I have to admit though, when I'm not working and I'm laying around listening to music or watching TV.  Oh wow!  It really does feel very nice.  I think I'll go get some apple juice, turn on some tunes and turn off the lights and.... Good night loopty doos!  Oh my!!! LOL)

 

I was having trouble coming up with a song title for this blog.  Actually, I wasn't having trouble at all.  Touch of Grey, was my first and obvious choice for so many reasons.  The one reason I felt I couldn't use it is because I already used it!  I used it on July 8th of last year.  I'm too tired to read it, but it was really short and my blogs readership was really low back then. 

I love that song and it really needs to be the title for this one.  Things are going really good for me, but there are a few little problems attached to the goodness - of course!  Every silver lining has a Touch of Grey!  However, it was my admiration of all the beautiful work put in by my beautiful family and beautiful friends that make me think that that should be the title of this blog!  My aunt sent me some of those rubber wrists things worn at my fundraiser with all of my other cool stuff she mailed me.  And it was those typed on magical words that convinced me initially!

If that weren't enough, it was my meeting with a couple of my Doctors at General Hospital that had me convinced!  They told me how happy they were to see me and how amazed at how good I looked!  They also told me something I hadn't really thought about.  They told me they didn't think I was going to make it the first few days I was in the ICU.  That possible reality is still a hard one for me to handle.  I hate to say it, but it does bring tears to my eyes. 

I guess it was the shattered bones all over my body, but especially in my lower back around and connected to my pelvis and my broken neck and the hole in the lung that really worried them.  It was that short little song verse on that little Lance Armstrong rubber thing that made me repeat a song I had already once used in a blog!

 

Sorry that you feel that way,  the only thing there is to say is... Every silver lining's got a touch of grey. I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

I actually gave the nurse who told me they weren't sure I'd survive one of those wrists bands, so thank you for whoever came up with this.  Once I got passed all that part, they t0ld me that they then believed I may never walk again!  I actually do remember being told that while I was in that hospital.  I was pretty out of it, but that did freak me out a bit.  Still does - a little.  Pretty sure I will be able to walk though.  And, now they believe I will walk some day.  They said they were amazed at my improvement.  I wore my Superman outfit that day!  (As much as I love my superman and batman clothes, I'm really not even close to being that. It has a lot more to do with God than me.  It is God's Will.)   

That day, they also told me I did not need neck surgery AND I could permanently remove the neck brace!  I think I already commented on how good that feels.  I know I took a photo of the neck brace in the garbage because I threw it directly in the garbage the moment they told me I didn't have to wear it any longer!  However, I believe I accidently deleted that photo on my mobile phone. 

 

 

I am so tired.  This fact should be obvious in that photo I just took and posted above!  About an hour ago, the nurse gave me my trazadone (sleeping medication) and I also took my 250 milligrams of morphine and my whatever amount of Gabapentin (this is a pain killer for nerve damage).  I also got a bunch of other pills for who knows what.  I've never been a pill taker.  It's only 9:30!  I wish they'd give that sleeping medicine a little later.  Oh well,  I'm not that tirrrrrrrrrrl//?;%&*'/ll<.....  Huh? What just happened? Was I writing something?  My blog?

 

That stupid silliness above is mostly a joke.  I am really tired, but that's not really real what I wrote at the end above.   That was my attempt at silly humor.  Whatever.  I did actually fall asleep and my fingers pushed a bunch of nothing.

 

I wanted to finish this babbling blog tonight, but it appears it will have to be finished on Easter Sunday.  Hallelujah!

I hate to say it, but I actually like to watch TV before I go to bed now.  I went 3 years without TV until a few weeks ago, so goodnight!

Easter Sunday 3/31/13 @ 10:10 PM

LOL!  So now, I'm so much more than those things I just wrote about above and I won't be finishing this blog on Easter Sunday!  LOL.  I got a whole  another days worth of the morphine drug and I just took it and that sleeping pill at 9:00.  I'm feeling super loopy kids!  And, I did finish the short proof reading part.  I went ahead and turned KFOG on since that was in the plan.  I've advanced to radio.  Apparently this will be a two song blog! How could I possibly resist the song that instantly came on the moment I read the words  in the wonderful and timely paragraph above, "so goodnight!" 

 

 

 

 

 

Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no
I said, "Dreamer, you're nothing but a dreamer"
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no
I said "Far out, what a day, a year, a laugh it is"
You know, well you know you had it comin' to you
Now there's not a lot I can do
Dreamer, you stupid little dreamer
So now you put your head in your hands, oh no

I said "Far out, what a day, a year, a laugh it is"
You know, well you know you had it comin' to you
Now there's not a lot I can do

Work it out someday

If I could see something
You can see anything you want boy
If I could be someone
You can be anyone, celebrate boy
Well if I could do something
You can do something
If I could do anything
But can you do something out of this world?

Take a dream on a Sunday
Take a life, take a holiday
Take a lie, take a dreamer
Dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream along

Dreamer, dreamer, dream along
Come on and dream, dream along (Come along)
Come on and dream, dream along
Come on and dream, dream along
Dreamer (Come on and dream, dream along), you know you are a dreamer (Come on and dream, dream along)
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no (Come on, come on)
I said dreamer (Come on and dream, dream along), you're nothing but a dreamer (Come on and dream, dream along)
Well can you put your hands in your head (Come on, come on), oh no, oh no

I love Supertramp!  Guess what else they did for me besides convince me that The Universe is still a coincidently beautiful and amazing place for me to live?  They also changed the blogs name from "Touch of Grey" to "Dreamer - Touch of Grey".  I honestly have to say, it has had a few names due to all of the whacky technical difficulties Blogger.com has been given me and my own mental loopy difficulties.  My goodness!  It was,  "Touch of Grey II", "Touch of Grey 2" and "Touch of Grey (again)".   So, let's hope it stays at, "Dreamer - Touch of Grey".   What a beautiful Universe I am fortunate enough to actually exist in!  Okay, now I'm off for some apple juice and I want to listen to some KFOG.  Goodnight! 

Well, now it is 7:12 PM on Monday night.  It's been a long day.  I had a pretty good nights sleep I have to admit.  I do feel a little tired tonight, but let's get this blog done is all I can think about!  My goodness.  It's not that long!  I can't even remember what it is about.  My brain is still a little loopy, that's for sure. 

I think it started out with me saying how things had really been going my way lately.  I think I also realized that things were not perfect in my world that seemed to be coming together so beautifully.  Basically, it did occur to me how, "every silver lining's got a Touch of Grey."

I really am able find quite a few lyrics in this song that really do point to the situations in my life now and when I wrote it, back at the end of last May.  I wrote it at the end of May.  It turns out it was actually only posted July 8th.  The other night, I was simply too lazy, or perhaps too tired, to read through it to discover that about it.   However, I did read my blog a little bit earlier tonight. 

I can see how back then the lyrics that read, "I know the rent is in arrears, the dog has not been fed in years, it's even worse than it appears but, it's all right",  were lyrics that I would completely have been able to relate to at that time in my life.  Those particular lyrics are even more relevant today as it applies to my situation in some of my own strange minded cases.  However, I always like to say three words all the time that remind of the three words that song says.  I find myself saying, "Slowly but surely" The three words in that song are, "...it's all right".

I do know that things will be okay.  I recently had my doctors from SF General tell me that they were so amazed at how much I have approved.   I feel like I wrote this part already and it may get posted and then edited for you early readers.  Meaning I will likely reread it again some day.  I'm tired again.  Am I always tired?  Well, perhaps by the time I have time to write I am.  Anyway, my doctors said to me, "You look so great."  The nurse said, "For the first few days, I didn't think you would make it."  Again, supporting my choice to the song Touch of Grey, because it has three lyrics that read, "I will survive".  Have I ever shared with anyone about how the number 3 was so prevalent in my life years ago!  It appeared all the time and I had no idea why.    Then, recently, while in a Christian rehab program, I learned about the trilogy, which is the Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost!  It opened up all kinds of doors about my past!  This blog is already too long, so....

So after seeing those doctors, they basically gave me weight baring proof for my upper body.  Meaning I could lift and do therapy with the upper part of my body.  I had already figured this out and did a lot with that part of my body already.  They also looked at my X-Rays and said I will be able to walk some day based on what they can see.  A couple doctors told me I would never walk again as I left that hospital to come here in early February.  I never liked to share that part with too many people.  I must admit, there were some times when I too wandered if I would ever walk again.  Now, I do believe I will.  I will admit however, I don't think I'm capable quite yet.  My left ankle has a lot of pain and I'm a little nervous about my lower shattered back bone.  It feels a little week and numb still.

After seeing those doctors at that hospital who did the surgery, I saw the ones here.  I guess they are called orthopedic doctors!  The main doctor in charge here looked at me and the X-Rays and said that I was fine with my upper half of my body , yet I need to wait 1 month before I attempt to walk.  So, last week I did take some classes like Tai Chi for instance to help my upper back.  I also went to the foot doctor and got a pedicure.  I had never had one, but it was great.  I had basically given myself one a few days before.  Holy cow!  I must have pealed off so much dead skin.  Wow.  It was crazy.   I had so much dead skin on my feet!  The nurse who gave me the pedicure took of some herself, but no where near as much as me.  Hers did the nice and fine finishing touches I must admit!  And, she really had that pedicure giving look about her I have to admit.  She really was good at making me feel really good I can't deny! 

Finally, I have to mention some of my good local friends.  I'm so glad I said "FINALLY!"  Both of these guys are in recovery.  One of them was the guy whose house I went up to his mothers roof and took the Blue Angel photo shots that I really liked.   The other guy I was in that last Christian program with me.  These two guys are both great guys.  They volunteer at rehab facilities.  The Bible guy volunteers here, Dave, volunteers at the detox I've went through 3 times.  Have I ever mentioned that number 3's significance in my life before?  Some other time. 

So some of you may remember the bible guy from that rehab I was recently exited from.  I really like this guy.  There used to be a time when I really believed that this painting on this hotel meant something.  I believed that this picture of earth was being controlled by God.  God was this black man blowing on the earth which meant he controlled The Universe.  Well, the program I was in was also in such a place that that looking across the street you could see this.  This painting on the wall with God blowing on earth.  There is also a cross walk there.  So above it is the cross walk sign and it is above my old street, Minna Street which is a one way street.  So essentially, I read that if I didn't walk one way with God, who created things to be, I'd end up in that coroners van that sometimes park there when people regularly died. 



I really wish I had Photoshop on this new laptop, I'd crop it closer so you could see it.  In fact, I used to have a closer photo on my old laptop that I dropped!  It was also blogged about a while back so I'm sure it has a better image in it in that blog.  I'm just to babbling way to much.  It's just all real!

Another day, someone died and it was a similar scene.  I also took a photo you'll see below.  The only difference this day is this guy I've revered to as "the devil" snuck up behind me and ask me, "What happened to this guy".  He also informed me he was staying at the hotel in the photo but could not get in because it was taped off by police tape.  This guy, in some ways, was always trying to help me over the years - "the devil".  He also had a huge grim reaper tattoo on his arm.  He found that morning rather amusing I must admit.  It was a strange morning. 

This morning was slight different.  Perhaps the photo is a little more clear was to what I was seeing if you look closely .  Walk one with God who controls The Earth or....  Da Arts are important.

 

Oh Yeah, so my whole point about that black guy I thought was God who is doing well now and volunteers here and helps me a lot, he was the model for that painting on that wall!  He was the man blowing on the earth.  Except he's not God of course.  However, he does have a powerful name of someone in The Bible.  I love this character in The Bible.  I'd share it, but did not get his permission to do so!  Perhaps he'll give it to me next time he comes to volunteer.

I got permission from the other volunteer today!  He has a cool Bible name also.  It is David!  He, like me, likes to be called Dave.  He stopped by today and asked me a bunch of questions about my addiction.  Basically he asked a bunch of Beaty's Babbling Brain Blog questions!  He is writing a college paper on someone who is addict but is in recovery right now.  That someone is me! 

Okay, so my twisted drugged out mind realizes I did speak about Dave earlier, before I had his permission to use his name.  Anyway Dave told me he would take me to my storage space sometime this week so I could get some things including my Guitar!  I can't wait! We had a drum circle earlier this week and it was a lot of fun.  I think I'll end this very, very babbling blog on that!  Wow!

I have to ad one tiny little thing to this blog, Today is Tuesday, 4/2.  It's 1:54.  I just got some possibilities approved that may help me get my life together a little sooner.  It will at least help me get in the right direction.  I was just getting ready to do my final quick proof read and Dave called.  I let him know I had requested tomorrow from 2:00 until 4:00 to be able to go with him to get some stuff from my storage, including of course, my guitar.

He let me know that he finished writing the paper about me last night.  He was so amazed at my story.  Dave is not a dead head and I never mentioned too much about my blog.  I certainly never even told him my next blog that he approved his name to be in was even called, Touch of Grey.  Anyway,  before he hung up he said, based on his paper he wrote, that my story may be able to provide the silver lining for someone in recovery someday!  It made me really smile and I let him know that what he said meant a whole lot more to me than he could possibly imagine.  Just so he understood, I did tell him the lyrics to the current blog I was writing, "...every silver lining's got a, Touch of Grey."

 

 

Must be getting early; clocks are running late. 

 

Paint by number morning sky looks so phony.
Dawn is breaking everywhere, light a candle, curse the glare
Draw the curtains I don't care, 'cause it's all right
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

I see you've got your list out, say your peace and get out.
Yes I get the gist of it, but it's all right
Sorry that you feel that way, the only thing there is to say is...
Every silver lining's got a touch of grey.
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

It's a lesson to me, the Ables on the bakers and the c's
The abc's we all must face, try to keep a little grace

Chorus

It's a lesson to me,
The Delta's or the East and the freezes.
The abc's-- we all think of, and try to keep a little love.

I know the rent is in arrears, the dog has not been fed in years, it's even worse than it appears but, it's all right

Cow is giving kerosene, kid can't read at seventeen
The words he knows are all obscene, but it's all right
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

The shoe on the hand that fits, there's really nothin' much to it
Whistle through your teeth and spit, 'cause it's all right
Oh well a touch of grey, kinda suits you anyway,
That is all I had to say, if it's all right
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

We will get by... X3 then fade
We will survive!