Deal

(I wrote most of this blog 6/15/15)

"Since it cost a lot to win and even more to lose!"

The Grateful Dead's 50'th Anniversary shows in Santa Clara are 12 days away.   I had yet to receive my first ticket in the mail.  I tried to track it down the yesterday, June 14^th. 

I used on Friday.  Remember how I mentioned Free? I once wrote a blog titled Free.   It was written 8/5/13 and we'll get to that. (Believe......)  It's important that we believe. In God. Call it what you call it, such as Allah or Dios.  I need to call it God. Remember what I wrote?   I'll remind you.  I wrote my Higher Power, I call God,  is The Universe.  "It" keeps communicating.  Every Which Way.... But loose?   Or is it Dirty Hairy?  I love the movie Every Which Way But Loose.  I even play and sing the song Every Which Way But Loose.  (Future blog possibility?)  Music is in my soul!  Lately, when I use, Dirty Hairy shows up.  Literally.  Dirty Hairy is also a Good movie, but I don't want Dirty Hairy to show up! 

This mind babbles.  It's full of Voices?  People?  God?  All three?  God is what I MUST believe in.  Whatever God is.  The Universe?  The Universe.  Music is in my soul.  Art is in my soul.   Photography....  Wait.   Clean is Right.   Yes, but also, clean is Write.  Right?  Write.

I used today. It's my step-mother birthday today.   Let's call her American Beauty!  That name is very fitting.   The Grateful Dead sure is on my mind a lot!  Coincidentally enough, Terrapin Stations dad's birthday was also today.  They were once Miracles.  We all were once Miracles.   Terrapin Stations dad was my Health Teacher in middle school back in Loveland.  It's important I call him Health Teacher. Using is not healthy.

I used on Friday.  It was free.  Yeah, I got the drugs for free. There is always a price to be paid when we use.  I used “we” because I'm hoping this Beaty's Babbling Brain Blog helps at least one other.  It's telling me The Truth.   STOP USING NOW is the clear message. Top of the world. 

Remember how I wrote about Free?  Free is important.   Free is important to me.  It is Good.   He is Good.  Free is Good .  (By the way, I have nicknamed my old friend from Loveland, Ohio Free.  He now lives in or near Loveland, Colorado - go figure.)   Oh yeah, Free is also a Phish song.  And, Free is a Phish head.  A bigger Phish head than a Deadhead.  We'll get to all of that.  I hope.   Free first saw The Grateful Dead in Alpine Valley.   I think.   Perhaps I'll ask him soon.  It means a lot.  His family means a lot.  Family.

Oh yeah.   Family is very important.   Brothers and sisters. Mothers and Fathers.   Steps-mothers and adopted brothers. Raised by your grandma.   Family.  Cincinnati who said Live Life, communicated Gettysburg to me.  (He just posted a video on Facebook from the movie Gettysburg he was watching.)  The Gettysburg Address.  Freedom.  Never forget Free.  Even if the drugs are free.  Drugs are not “free”.  If anyone should know that, it's me.  "It costs a lot to win.  Even more to lose!" 

I just wrote a few more paragraphs and they Coincidentally enough disappeared.  ( 5 minutes later. It happened twice. Perhaps I should move on....)  I may have hit something.  Who knows.   I used today.  I used on American Beauty and Health Teacher's birthday. I used on Terrapin Stations birthday which was 5/17.   Remember?   The same day my Uncle Danny died?  I wrote about that in Cumberland Blues. The Universe communicates with me.   Top of the world.

…. The Universe. “Don't you let that deal go down!”  That's the song I really heard yesterday. While The Warriors were playing The Cavilers. We won big! I feel for Cleveland, but I'm from Cincinnati. Cleveland is meaning so much to me. Cleveland is very important to my understanding The Universe. Remember? God. It's important that I believe. “Don't you let that deal go down!”

My blog is teaching me something. David defeats Goliath. The King of the Bible, David defeats Goliath.  “I Need a Miracle Everyday”.  The type of Miracle I need, I have to work for.  BIG DEAL.   I sure didn't work for future Miracles (i.e. Grateful Dead tickets).  American Beauty bought me tickets to the second night.   She bought the ticket with the money that so many raised for me at my fundraiser after I attempted suicide.  Eyes of the World and Ripple bought me tickets to the first night.  Thank you!

God exists.  If I am using, I am not believing in God.  This Beaty's Babbling Brain Blog has too many Coincidences for me to deny God. Top of the world.

(later that evening)
I was sitting on my 26^th floor balcony a little bit a go.   I was really think about “Something”.  Yesterday I read a blog I wrote in 2008.  It was called David, King of the Bible (It is not on BlogSpot so I cannot provide a link.  It was on Myspace.  I intend to link them in my next blog - Warriors).  A few moments ago I read a blog I wrote in 2013 called Rose.  David, King of the Bible and Rose linked some incredibly amazing things together.   The Universe is communicating with me.  With us. 

As I sat on my 26th floor balcony thinking of these amazing connections, I lifted my head up and through the unusually cloudy San Francisco sky, the Sun beamed through out over the Pacific Ocean where it meets The San Francisco Bay - otherwise known as The Golden Gate. It looked like rain was coming down. My first thought was, Rain? Rain!   Pearl said, it's God!   Then I realized that it was Light heading towards Top of the world.      

The "Light" was moving towards The Golden Gate Bridge - my favorite structure in the world!  “She” was always there for me.   As it approached the south tower of The Golden Gate Bridge, the Light began to fade.  The clouds closed the only opening in the sky.  The Message?  "I'm not there yet."  or should I say "We're not there yet."   

Top of the world.  I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be. Thanks to the Top of The Universe! GOD!  Believe.

It's important that I understand it like that. For GOD.  In other words, when someone comes to me and wants drugs because I have a good connection and they will give me some for free, "Don't you let that deal go down!"  That's the Grateful Dead song I coincidentally enough happened to hear yesterday that told me exactly what I was supposed to hear. 

When I heard Deal, I heard the lyrics, "Don't you let deal go down".  And, I especially heard the "It costs a lot to win and even more to lose."   I connected these lyrics to my drug addiction.   I never was much of a gambler in the conventional since.  I gambled with my life.  However, amazingly, the blogs I read that I wrote in 2008, David, King of the Bible and 2013, Rose connected actual playing cards.

 

What I read after I started writing this particular blog strongly connected playing cards.  I used to find playing cards lying on the streets of San Francisco years ago after I used and when I was walking around, tweaking.  They were coincidently enough on my walking path.  I basically played street poker, but I never bothered to pick the cards up.  I never saw aces.  I knew if I did, hell was drawing near.  One day, I found four aces in a row.  I picked them up!  

One of the aces was lying right in front of my front doorstep.  Years ago, before Beaty's Babbling Brain Blog existed on BlogSpot, I wrote a blog titled Four of a Kind.   Below are the actual card I picked up that day.  It was eerie.

 

"I been gambling here abouts
for ten good solid years.
If I told you all that went down
it would burn off both your ears"

 

I may be insane, but whatever God is, God is reality.  God is amazing.  This blog is TRUE.  God is The Truth and The Truth is God.   This makes me happy.  Happiness is hard for someone like me to come by.  God is Good.  Good is God.  God is Love.  I Love God. And, I love music.  I love The Grateful Dead.

 

 

Me, Free and Terrapin Station

 

This is from Free's Grateful Dead show at Alpine Valley.  "Coincidence is Gods way of staying Anonymous." 

 Since it cost a lot to win
and even more to lose
You and me bound to spend some time
wondring what to choose

Goes to show you don't ever know
Watch each card you play
and play it slow
Wait until your deal come round
Don't you let that deal go down

I been gambling here abouts
for ten good solid years
If I told you all that went down
it would burn off both your ears

It goes to show you don't ever know
Watch each card you play
and play it slow
Wait until your deal come round
Don't you let that deal go down

Since you poured the wine for me
and tightend up my shoes
I hate to leave you sittin there
composin lonesome blues

It goes to show you don't ever know
Watch each card you play
and play it slow
Wait until your deal come round
Don't you let that deal go down
Don't you let that deal go down, no
Don't you let your deal go down