So Many Roads

(I wrote this blog 10/11/13)

What should I do?  Transcribe?  Post?  Write?  Obviously, I chose to write - a little.  I promise.  Actually, I don't write near as much as I used to.  I don't really need to.  Life has been pretty good.  Oh, except for just now!  I walked into the Haight Ashbury Libraries bathroom and there was a syringe cap full of water.  That's exactly the way I used to get the water into my needle.  I grabbed it so fast and through it towards the garbage, but missed.  It flew across the room.  I hate seeing those reminders.  They still make me want to shoot up - after all I've been through.

I love this city but it is tough as an addict.  It is also the best place to be as an addict.  There are so many services.  I just left The Haight Ashbury Free Clinic.  They are so nice.  I was there for a follow up from my trip to General Hospital.  Apparently my liver enzymes and my pancreas "whatever" levels were high.  I have no idea why.  (11/6/13 - It turns out I had Pancreatitis.)

The strangest and coolest things have happened with my canes the past couple of days.  Now that I can go without one sometimes, I tend to walk off without them.  Two days ago, I left my cane in the dining area.  I knew it was somewhere at Wally World, but did not know where.  Yesterday morning, I announced over the intercom system that I misplaced it.  I never heard anything.  In the afternoon, right before I was getting ready to go to Haight Ashbury Free Clinic yesterday, I was asking people at the front desk.  Back in the office, the Chief Chef who works there overheard me and said, "Did you lose a black cane?"  I said, "Yeah, a collapsible!"  He had found it and put it in the office.

I was needing to get to my appointment and was cutting it close because the lady who needed me to "buddy" her to her appointment there was holding me up.  Let's call her "Sweetie Girl".  I put the collapsible cane in my bag and took the wood one.  While at The Haight Ashbury Free Clinic, we sat in the waiting room while they renewed my Healthy San Francisco.  The doctor was too busy to see me, but could the next day - today.  Sweetie Girl had her appointment at 2:40.  She asked if I would go across the street and get her a candy bar.  I did.  After being back for a while, just before we were getting ready to leave, I could not find my cane.  I looked around and - nowhere!

I went across the street and checked the store where I bought her candy bar and it was not there.  I went back and looked around the waiting area and could not find it.  As I was walking out, one of the nurses said, "Didn't you come in with a cane?"  I told him I did, but could not find it.  I told him I'd be back the next day, today.  He said he'd look for it and give it to me if he found it.  Sweetie Girl thought it was her fault because she asked me to get her a candy bar.  I told her it was my fault for losing it.

Today, I went and sat in the waiting area waiting for my appointment.  I sat in the same seat because there was an outlet for me to charge my phone.  After being their for about 30 minutes, I was called into the exam area.  I reached over to grab my cane and as I had it in my hand, I realized it was the wood cane I lost yesterday!  I guess it was sitting there the whole time!  It was so strange.  I even told the nurse and he said he never saw it either. 

I couldn't wait to get back to Wally World and tell Sweetie Girl.  Then, as I was getting ready to leave, I saw another guy from Wally World.  He asked, "what is this place?"  I told him, "It is The Haight Ashbury Free Clinic."  I asked what he was doing and he said he was being Sweetie Girl's buddy and she had to go to the bathroom, so they came up there.  As soon as she came out, I held it up her showed her.  She was so happy.  So was I.

I lose things all the time, but they seem to keep showing back up.  It's strange.  It's good.

Another good thing is my housing.  I finally met with West Bay Housing and have been excepted into the program.  Now, they just have to find my a place.  I told my worker that I really wanted to live back down in SoMa.  I love that neighborhood.  I was down there this morning at another doctor appointment and it just felt so good.  It is so urban and so hustle bustle!  It is South of Market Street.  That's why it is called SoMa.  The blocks are bigger and it is an area that has some room for skyscrapers to go up.  The financial district is packed and the blocks are a little smaller.  It just feels different.  The grid of the streets change at Market Street too.  I'm sure it's confusing to visitors.  Other than that, this city is pretty much a grid - even over the big hills.

See how the grid changes at Market Street.  Also, see how the blocks get bigger.  There are alleyways between many.  This is true for the streets North of Market also.  Susan and I lived on an alley between 6th and 7th Streets and Mission and Howard Streets.  I will soon live on the corner of Market and Polk Streets (Polk turns in to 10th)!  Right next to The Civic Center.  It is North of Market, but right across the street is SoMa.  I love it's location!
 

Talk about So Many Roads.   I have probably managed to walk on every single one over the years.  For one, I am a photographer.  However, it was my years of being a tweaker who could not stop walking that likely had me step foot in every one of San Francisco's 49 square miles.

I'm not sure why I wrote.  I just wanted to, I guess.  I finished transcribing my first notebook today!  Yay!  Now, I need to start on number 2.  It's only about 1/2 full of what I wrote.  I have been able to get computer access and started typing in early September - I think.  It's all really confusing.  I'll try to keep it in order.

I can't wait to have my own place!  It's supposed to happen November 15th!  I hope to get this blog caught up by then also.  I just want to really focus on my photography when I get my own place.  Hopefully, by the time I post this, I will know whether or not I get SSI.  Hopefully, I do.  (10/6/13 - I got denied.)   I spend half my week in doctors offices and hospitals.  I could really use it now.  If I ever get physically healthy again and can work a good work week, I will!  So many people I have met have Social Security and I have no idea why.  I could go on about all this but I won't.  I was supposed to know next week whether or not I'll get it, but thanks to the Federal Government shutdown, that probably won't happen. 

I have plenty to be happy about.  I have been through so much the last 3 years.  Homelessness, Rehabilitation, Hospitalization,  hell on earth....  "So many roads, so many roads."  I'm finally on my way out of the insanity.  Things are really going to happen for me and I will do all I can to help make things great for me.  Perhaps I had to go through all I have to get where I am heading.  As much as I lost, I have faith I am heading to a beautiful place that I will be forever grateful for because of all I've been through.  "So many roads to ease my soul."

Below was Jerry's last show.  It seems appropriate he played this song.    I was planning on going to Soldier Field that year as I had the past couple, but chose at the last minute to go to RFK in Washington DC.   I'm glad I did.  My friend Woody called me from Jacksonville where he lived and asked me to meet him there.  I told him I could not.  As soon as I hung up, Susan said, "Let's go."    I said "Okay!"  I also said I would skip Soldier Field since I had never been to RFK to see them.  I was trying to be responsible back then. 

This was the day before cell phones.  We just hoped we saw Woody there.   We left moments later and drove all night.  We pulled up to RFK first thing in the morning, before the big party started.  He's the first deadhead we saw.  I'll never forget my bike ride from RFK to the Capital where we parked the car.  It was a trip - literally.  We had a great time. It was one of the last shows, but not THE LAST show. 

This one, at Soldier Field, was.  Soldier Field and Madison Square Gardens were my favorite places to see The Grateful Dead.  Oh, and how could I forget Buckeye Lake.  I miss Jerry.

Thought I heard a blackbird singing
Up on Bluebird Hill
Call me a whinin' boy if you will
Born where the sun don't shine
And I don't deny my name
Got no place to go, ain't that a shame?

Thought I heard that KC whistle
Moaning sweet and low
Thought I heard that KC when she blow
Down where the sun don't shine
Underneath the Kokomo
Whinin' boy got no place to go

So many roads, I tell you
So many roads I know
So many roads, so many roads
Mountain high, river wide
So many roads to ride
So many roads, so many roads

Thought I heard a jug band playin'
If you don't who else will?
From over on the far side of the hill
All I know the sun don't shine
And the rain refused to fall
And you don't seem to hear me when I call

Wind inside and the wind outside
Tangled in the window blind
Tell me why you treat me so unkind
Down where the sun don't shine
Lonely and I call your name
No place left to go, ain't that a shame?

So many roads, I tell you
New York to San Francisco
So many roads I know
All I want is one to take me home
From the high road to the low
So many roads I know
So many roads, so many roads

From the land of the midnight sun
Where the ice blue roses grow
Along those roads of gold and silver snow
Howlin' wide or moaning low
So many roads I know
So many roads to ease my soul