(I wrote this blog 7-20-12)
I talked to Sleepless on the phone tonight. It was great to finally actually hear her voice. Let's just say it matches the rest of her. She said I didn't have to leave her out of this blog - so I probably won't! She's cool. Very cool.
(I had said in a previous blog that I would leave her out of this blog. That blog seems to have been lost. It was saved on a computer in the learning Center. Not having my laptop will make things confusing again. There were a lot of things in that blog I wanted to put out there. I don’t want to get into it right now, but I believe dark forces have lots of access to computers. Perhaps I should be giving credit to God instead. Either way God wins.)
I said I need to focus and I do. I love all of my blog readers. I do. I will continue to write. So many of my readers are going through similar things as me. They don’t even necessarily have to be addicts either. Many are from my lovely little loving hometown – Loveland. Oh by the way, I think I changed Loveland’s blog name to Sleepless in the blog I lost. I thought calling her Loveland might be confusing. Sleepless really works for me seeing as though she’s on my mind during my sleepless nights often. Sure feels better than loss and frustration! My nightly soundtrack on my MP3 player has changed to pretty much monster ballads - dork.
We are all in this together. My focus does need to be on CityTeam. I love this program. I am currently the lead and I am typing on the computer in the office. Let’s hope I don’t lose this one in transit! Mohammad is speaking Farce next to me on the phone. I love this Christian program.
I love these guys in the program - all of them. Barry Bonds who made me lead is no longer house manager. He managed to do that for me just before he stepped down. Thanks! Actually, I’m glad he did. Yesterday, he was in the office and I was lead. Only the lead and house manager are allowed to be in the office, so I got to say to him, “What are you doing in this office?” We both got a good laugh out of that one. Like that man has never held me accountable for anything!
The house manager is now “Do You Know the Way To San Jose.” He gets a long nickname! He’s from San Jose and goes there often. I haven't written about him because he has always kind of quietly been an asset to this place. I always wondered who would take Barry Bonds place. When I was told it was him when we got back from MayMac, I thought - duh? Some have suggested me for the future. No Thanks!
He's a good man. He is also the other driver. This puts more driving duties on me. Remember what I used to say? Those who have been given much, much will be expected. That still holds true. I need to focus. Susan's leaving soon. Focus.
Much of what I have learned for this blog has come from CityTeam. It has come from God. I need to remember who needs my focus the most - the guys at CityTeam. You see, if we relapse things go all bad. Really bad! We all didn’t end up at a place like this because we "might" have a problem. We are hardcore addicts. When we go out, we go out - sometimes for good.
What I know I am dealing with and I hope all these guys never forget we are dealing with is literally life and death - and more. I mean it. The guys working a good program get it. We all have our bottoms. However, you’ve hit bottom when you stop digging. It gets deeper every time. I suppose the ultimate bottom may even have more bottoms to go. I’m not going to find out. No one has to.
At CityTeam, we have folders to keep our work organized. Ronnie Van Zant has two photos of himself on his. One photo is of him homeless in San Francisco. The other one is from his days as a resident of the Florida Department of Corrections. When he showed me, I said, "You look like you were better off being a convict!" He did.
Ronnie Van Zant gave the best book report I've heard in the four months I have been here. It was even better than the one I gave! He made it very fun and interactive with the everyone. He had interesting trivia questions for us all. He classically started his book report by saying, "Since I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make this our book report!"
I talked to Sleepless on the phone tonight. It was great to finally actually hear her voice. Let's just say it matches the rest of her. She said I didn't have to leave her out of this blog - so I probably won't! She's cool. Very cool.
(I had said in a previous blog that I would leave her out of this blog. That blog seems to have been lost. It was saved on a computer in the learning Center. Not having my laptop will make things confusing again. There were a lot of things in that blog I wanted to put out there. I don’t want to get into it right now, but I believe dark forces have lots of access to computers. Perhaps I should be giving credit to God instead. Either way God wins.)
I said I need to focus and I do. I love all of my blog readers. I do. I will continue to write. So many of my readers are going through similar things as me. They don’t even necessarily have to be addicts either. Many are from my lovely little loving hometown – Loveland. Oh by the way, I think I changed Loveland’s blog name to Sleepless in the blog I lost. I thought calling her Loveland might be confusing. Sleepless really works for me seeing as though she’s on my mind during my sleepless nights often. Sure feels better than loss and frustration! My nightly soundtrack on my MP3 player has changed to pretty much monster ballads - dork.
We are all in this together. My focus does need to be on CityTeam. I love this program. I am currently the lead and I am typing on the computer in the office. Let’s hope I don’t lose this one in transit! Mohammad is speaking Farce next to me on the phone. I love this Christian program.
I love these guys in the program - all of them. Barry Bonds who made me lead is no longer house manager. He managed to do that for me just before he stepped down. Thanks! Actually, I’m glad he did. Yesterday, he was in the office and I was lead. Only the lead and house manager are allowed to be in the office, so I got to say to him, “What are you doing in this office?” We both got a good laugh out of that one. Like that man has never held me accountable for anything!
The house manager is now “Do You Know the Way To San Jose.” He gets a long nickname! He’s from San Jose and goes there often. I haven't written about him because he has always kind of quietly been an asset to this place. I always wondered who would take Barry Bonds place. When I was told it was him when we got back from MayMac, I thought - duh? Some have suggested me for the future. No Thanks!
He's a good man. He is also the other driver. This puts more driving duties on me. Remember what I used to say? Those who have been given much, much will be expected. That still holds true. I need to focus. Susan's leaving soon. Focus.
Much of what I have learned for this blog has come from CityTeam. It has come from God. I need to remember who needs my focus the most - the guys at CityTeam. You see, if we relapse things go all bad. Really bad! We all didn’t end up at a place like this because we "might" have a problem. We are hardcore addicts. When we go out, we go out - sometimes for good.
What I know I am dealing with and I hope all these guys never forget we are dealing with is literally life and death - and more. I mean it. The guys working a good program get it. We all have our bottoms. However, you’ve hit bottom when you stop digging. It gets deeper every time. I suppose the ultimate bottom may even have more bottoms to go. I’m not going to find out. No one has to.
At CityTeam, we have folders to keep our work organized. Ronnie Van Zant has two photos of himself on his. One photo is of him homeless in San Francisco. The other one is from his days as a resident of the Florida Department of Corrections. When he showed me, I said, "You look like you were better off being a convict!" He did.
Ronnie Van Zant gave the best book report I've heard in the four months I have been here. It was even better than the one I gave! He made it very fun and interactive with the everyone. He had interesting trivia questions for us all. He classically started his book report by saying, "Since I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make this our book report!"
Fast Times at Ridgmont high was one of my favorite movies growing up. I actually brought a copy from Susan’s to CityTeam last night in a box. I guess that’d be contraband! I won’t show it here. I better put it in storage! Susan always said she wasn’t allowed to watch those kind of things when young. No one was around to stop me sometimes. Hmmm?
Loveland High was very similar to Ridgemont High! It's no wonder we're all so messed up. My idol was of course - Jeff Spicoli. I'll never forget the day someone on the streets of San Francisco saw me out there years ago with my long hair and scrawny body and said, "You remind me of that dude form fast times at Ridgemont High!" I had arrived.
Ronnie Van Zant Rocks. He calls me Dave Mustaine! I wasn't a big Megadeath fan, but I like it. His book report rocked. He reminded me what I am supposed to do with this blog - Glorify God. That is what it is all about. Doing everything for God will take care of everything good because god is all good.
Something Ronnie Van Zant said that makes sense to me was "If someone gossips to you, they will gossip about you." I like that. I don't like to talk about people. If I'm having a hard time, I may vent about them, but it's only about their actions. I'll tell them to there face - if I can. If I struggle to do so it might come out in this blog. I don't want to go to powers that be and I use nicknames. If it appears in this blog, I'm not talking about you behind your back. I'm saying how I feel about you to the Universe because I feel it needs to be known.
Suave, who hated me, has lost his mind. I only say this because I believe it was obvious he was not focusing on himself by things I wrote in the past. I'll pray for him.
(7-21-12 Space-Time update: Barry Bonds has no problem calling a spade a spade. He never has. Something I wrote in my blog about “hitting the pipe” as soon as someone got out of here was announced before breakfast. He simply said what I said, but he said to us all as a group – “LEAVE NOW!” We also all sung happy birthday to The King! I told him he gets to be 29 for the rest of his life.)
A perfect example of my saying how I feel about ones actions is what I said about what Mr. Ed said to me in Jonathon's office and how it made me mad . It seems CityTeam has started taking notice of this blog since "My Stalker" emailed. Thank you! I told them this blog mattered to people. Mr. Ed, said, “How come you talked bad about me?” I said, "Don't do something bad to me and I won't talk bad about what you did - You did it." I try to fill this blog with the truth. I'm not perfect.
I love Mr. Ed. I tell him all the time God speaks through him in his classes. This is just true. It sure beats when Mr. Ed speaks sometimes! I love ya Mr. Ed. In his last class we had to write a one page paper about what it was like be with us for the past two years. I like to write!
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| The Prince |
It's nearly lights out and The Prince wanted me to let you all know that he "...is changing from the hood to the good!" I love that kid. He calls me "Bro D Mac" or "Bra Bra". I love this program. I'm glad they reeled me in a bit. They can't keep me down! I'm making my first attempt at the Golden Gate Bridge run tomorrow. I'm getting stronger.
I love these guys. This is serious business we are dealing with. Another thing Ronnie Van Zant shared in his book report was how he was once In Safeway stealing some liquor and a worker caught him and said, “what is that smell? Instead of stealing some liquor, you should be stealing some soap!”
When the real Ronnie Van Zant sung about "that smell", I know EXACTLY what smell he's talking about. I hated that smell. It was like I was rotting from the inside out. It's the most awful smell. I never want to smell that smell again.
(7-21-12 evening)
Speaking of death. After I got back from taking one of our graduates wife to Valejo again today to visit him in the hospital, there a body bag across the street from CityTeam. If my words weren’t powerful enough, perhaps this image is.
Moments after taking this photo tonight, I heard a familiar voice behind me. “How’d he die?” It was the devil. It was man who told me he was the devil one night - the night I ran to Palo Alto. I turned around to see his glossed over eyes and him grinning at me. He said, “I just got off work and now I can’t get in my hotel” Then he laughed. He had fresh bruises and tracks on his left arm and his grim reaper tattoo on his right. I almost ask him if I could take a photo, but thought that would not be a good idea. I said earlier I believed evil finds a way into my computer - I don’t need to help it. He asked if I could get him something to eat. I did. He said he was staying in the Sunny Side Hotel and could not get in because of the police tape.
Once the street was reopened, the first two vehicles were two open topped bus loads of young party goers dancing and partying away down 6th street. Do you know the Way to San Jose usually drives a group of guys to Cornerstone Church in The Mission on Saturday nights, but he was in San Jose, so I did it. While there a woman walked up behind me and whispered in my ear, “They turned their back on Jesus too.” Good Fellow asked me, “What was that all about?” I have no idea.
After parking the van tonight, I was walking back to CityTeam with a guy named Robert who hangs out with us. I heard him say, "Look at that!" It was a brand new syringe on the ground with both orange caps. Please don't do that to me. "They" know times are tough for me.
When the real Ronnie Van Zant sung about "that smell", I know EXACTLY what smell he's talking about. I hated that smell. It was like I was rotting from the inside out. It's the most awful smell. I never want to smell that smell again.
(7-21-12 evening)
Speaking of death. After I got back from taking one of our graduates wife to Valejo again today to visit him in the hospital, there a body bag across the street from CityTeam. If my words weren’t powerful enough, perhaps this image is.
 |
| Remember what I said in my blog Shakedown Street. If I don’t walk one way with God who is in control…. |
Once the street was reopened, the first two vehicles were two open topped bus loads of young party goers dancing and partying away down 6th street. Do you know the Way to San Jose usually drives a group of guys to Cornerstone Church in The Mission on Saturday nights, but he was in San Jose, so I did it. While there a woman walked up behind me and whispered in my ear, “They turned their back on Jesus too.” Good Fellow asked me, “What was that all about?” I have no idea.
After parking the van tonight, I was walking back to CityTeam with a guy named Robert who hangs out with us. I heard him say, "Look at that!" It was a brand new syringe on the ground with both orange caps. Please don't do that to me. "They" know times are tough for me.
Whiskey bottles, and brand new cars
Oak tree you're in my way
There's too much coke and too much smoke
Look what's going on inside you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Angel of darkness is upon you
Stuck a needle in your arm
So take another toke, have a blow for your nose
One more drink fool, will drown you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Now they call you Prince Charming
Can't speak a word when you're full of 'ludes
Say you'll be all right come tomorrow
But tomorrow might not be here for you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Hey, you're a fool you
Stick them needles in your arm
I know I been there before
One little problem that confronts you
Got a monkey on your back
Just one more fix, Lord might do the trick
One hell of a price for you to get your kicks
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Oak tree you're in my way
There's too much coke and too much smoke
Look what's going on inside you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Angel of darkness is upon you
Stuck a needle in your arm
So take another toke, have a blow for your nose
One more drink fool, will drown you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Now they call you Prince Charming
Can't speak a word when you're full of 'ludes
Say you'll be all right come tomorrow
But tomorrow might not be here for you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Hey, you're a fool you
Stick them needles in your arm
I know I been there before
One little problem that confronts you
Got a monkey on your back
Just one more fix, Lord might do the trick
One hell of a price for you to get your kicks
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
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