Rocky

(Today is July 11th, 2012.  I am in the Santa Cruz Mountains at CityTeam Camp MayMac.  We work our butts off here, but it is beautiful and it is fun.  There are a 140 incredible creative and energetic kids here.  I know I have written in recent blogs that I have posted that I am losing everything lately.  Well, I lost a flash drive with a lot of blogs I had written while in the learning center at CityTeam San Francisco.  Most of them, I had already copied onto my hard drive.  It seems at least two I did not.  I have no idea what the blog (or blogs) that preceded this was called, but I guess I have to at least explain something that happened so this one makes a little sense.

Briefly - My room I was in got unbearable.    For one it was really loud and in the front of the hotel and the window was always open.  6th street never really sleeps.  (No one in San Francisco has or usually needs air conditioning.  Most have heat, but rarely have to use it.  Keep the window open and mother nature will supply your conditioned air.

I slept with a fan.  I liked the breeze, but it was more about the white noise.  I have lots of sleep issues.  It was being unplugged in the middle of the night because it bothered my roommate who doesn't like me.   He and Sam Malone would talk for sometimes up to an hour, but I really didn't mind, I just put my head up to the fan.

Well, unknowingly to me, Sam Malone was getting frustrated from "being in the middle" (of a situation that really didn't exist on my side.  I just thought the fan was somehow coming unplugged.  Duh) and one day I was in huge hurry to facilitate yet another group and left some toothpaste in the sink.  This didn't make Sam Malone happy.  I know this was the first time this happened from me, because I was walking on eggshells in that room! I was being very clean and not saying a word.   I was just happy to be sleeping in a bed for the first time in over a year!  

The next day I tried to apologize about the toothpaste and explain I was in a hurry and Sam Malone didn't want to hear it.  He has anger issues.  I still love em.  I tried to talk to my roommate who doesn't like me, let's call him Suave, because I was told the fan keeps him awake.  As soon as I asked him about it, he told me "You talk all night!"  That was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.  I said, "You guys talk all night!  I don't say a word!" I don't.  I get there at 10:00 o'clock - at lights out and "quiet"  time.  Again, I didn't really care that they talked beyond that - many nights for up to an hour sometimes.  I really didn't.  When I tried to explain this to Suave, he put both of his hands over his ears like a five year old might do.  Sam Malone herd me say, "You guys talk all night"  This of course made him mad.  He began to focus on my saying that and would say, "I'm seeing a different side of you!"  One who puts up for himself?

You get the gist.  It was a long time ago, but it was exhausting.  I really do hate conflict.  I really am trying to resolve things in proper ways.

This blog should be caught up at the end of the week.  Later today, I have to re-write a more important blog - Firework.   I really hate a lost that blog.  It's details were important.  They still are.  It shouldn't be hard to recapture my feelings for that blog.  I really didn't want to have to go through them again.  I had been avoiding writing that one.   It figures I lost it.  Oh yeah I did lose my GA.  Whatever.  I'm almost glad.

Thanks for all the overwhelming support.  I really don't want to be so needy.  This is supposed to help YOU!)



(I think I wrote this blog around mid-June) 

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”

I actually really believe this to be true.  It doesn’t mean it won’t be a bumpy road, but when I do God’s will and try to be and honest, hard working, caring and forgiving person everyday – everything really does seem to work out. 

I created a mess.  I put myself in the situation I’m in.  I’m with some difficult people.  Apparently, I can be a little difficult to be around for some.  My last blog I wrote about the problems I was having here.  I wanted to write about all of the good things here.  They far outweigh the bad.  It’s me who let the few hard and bad things weigh so heavily on me.  Sometimes, I have no choice. 

I’m growing from my experiences.  Me and Sam Malone are fine together. I know – just don’t bring up anything about our little disagreement.  He’s a good guy.  He has anger issues.  He’s also from Boston so he’s got that East Coast attitude.  I kind of like that.  He’s a friend.

The problems I have with Suave are...I don’t know, they just are.  I moved out of that room.  I told Jonathon about the issues I was having and he thought it’d be best for me to switch rooms.  This should really help my sleep.  This room is in the back and no one in that room minds that I use a fan.  The guy in the bunk below me in fact welcomes it.  If it becomes a problem, I just hope the let me know – I’ll live without it.

I don’t really want to make an issue of it, because I don’t think that’s what it was ever really about in the first place.  Whatever it was, the other night I really had a hard time sleeping.  That room is in the front of the hotel.  It was warm and we had this crazy chick yelling ALL NIGHT.  Right when I got back about 9:45 she was outside talking to the guys.  She was nuts.  She was screaming “ROBERT, ROBERT!”  She saw me and said, “Hey muscle man!”   I could tell she was nuts, but I thought, “well at least she’s complimenting me – I think?”  Then she looked at me and said “FUCKER!”  She was nuts, so I walked inside.

She screamed all night.  Sam Malone happened to be downstairs because he was the lead for the night.  He went out a few times trying to tell her to leave.  I have a hard enough time sleeping without some crazy woman outside yelling and screaming all night.  It is what it is.

I haven’t slept my new room yet, because I was the lead last night.  I actually sleep pretty well on the floor because there is this motor above the walk in cooler that runs all night – creating white noise.  I also get a folding bed with a mattress instead of an army cot because I am the lead.  It’s a little more comfortable.

I really like that I have made it this far.  One of the new guys calls me, “the future house manager.”  NO THANKS!  Pretty much all of the new guys really do respect me.  They are very supportive to me and appreciate all that I do.  I really do care about them.  I currently facilitate 3 groups.  I also drive – a lot.  I love doing these things.  I can’t let a couple of guys who have issues with me cause me to forget this.  I actually appreciate them to.  Without them I wouldn’t grow.  I don’t have to be friends with everyone, but, I do hope I get along better with the one guy.  This morning he opened the door for me.  Then, when he left, I told him to have a good day at work.

It’s all working out for me.  My new room is three times the size of my old room.  I have a huge closet and we have a desk.  I’m told I can use my fan! I have roommates I get along with these days at least.  My roommates are Rudy, Surfer Dude and Diablo.  Rudy once threatened to kick my ass, but now we can have a good time together.  Surfer dude has an occasional melt down like me, but he’s cool.  We have a lot in common.  Diablo and I have had some disagreements about him taking my laundry out and doing his on super long cycles, but then he always ends up finishing mine and folding it.  When Diablo's does something wrong, he usually calls himself on it.  I think we’ll all do fine.  We’ll have our moments, but we’ll be fine.  There is really only two guys here that I really struggle with these days.  Not bad out of about thirty.  

I will miss one thing about my old room.  I will miss having Blue Balls.  It was nice having Blue Balls in the room.  Actually, it was Sam Malone who got Blue Balls.  He’s going to be out of town for a bit, so Suave told him he would take care of Blue Balls for him.  That is nice of him.  The thing about Suave is, he does have a lot of friends here.  Some how we just have struggled to get a long.  I pray this relationship improves with my absence.  If not, I’ll simply pray for him.  

Blue Balls

Perhaps my attempt to be funny is inappropriate.  Perhaps. 

Forgiveness is very important.  I’ve never had a problem forgiving people.  We had a class about forgiveness this  morning.  Jonathon asked Rudy to share the story about how he forgave the guy who killed his dad.  Rudy’s dad was a drug agent in Manila.  He got gunned down pretty bad when Rudy was thirteen.  Rudy had to identify the body and could only do so because of one of his dad’s tattoo.  That’s a lot for a thirteen year old kid.  Rudy wrote a letter to the killer recently forgiving him.

Another guy, James Dean, is struggling to forgive his abusive step dad.  He’s just now starting to even be able to talk about it. Sam Malone shares how his dad used to beat him up.  It’s no wonder he has issues with anger.  He teaches a great class on anger management.

We have a guy here from Afghanistan who fought the Russians years ago and the Taliban more recently.  He was a police officer.  The stories he has to tell are pretty amazing – not in a good way. 

Not too long ago, we had a New York City cop who was buried in the rubble of the World Trade Center.  He now has that immune disease 9-11 people have been dying from.  He recently got a settlement and I haven’t seen him since.  He talked of moving to the Philippines. 

There really are a lot of good guys in here.  We all have a lot of issues.  We have all been through quite a bit.

In that class I’m talking about where Jonathon was telling us how important it was to forgive, he said he wanted to write a book called, Learning to Walk Again.  I told him he should read my blog – Charlie and the Hot Chocolate Kids.  The chapter in which I finally made to city team was called Learning to Walk Again and ended with that Foo Fighters song.

It is fun to be at CityTeam sometimes.  We have worship hour on Wednesdays.  We always sing a couple of songs and someone gives a little message.  I know it sounds corny, but we make the best of it.  I used to play guitar with Zack Attack for it, but it was Zack Attack who had the guitar tab for Christian Music.  One of these days, I’ll print some up, so I can play for worship hour.  It was kind of fun.  For now we all just sing along to CD’s.  Surfer Dude plays air guitar and Rudy dances the raise the roof dance all the time.  It beats not enjoying it.

The guy who gave a message today was Rocky.  Rocky is his real name.  He gave me permission to use his name.  It fit’s nicely into this blog.  He’s strong in his recovery.  Rocky graduated in 2009.  He lost A LOT- big houses, fancy cars, great job.  Coming to Sixth Street was hard for him, but he’s got a great life again.  He has a beautiful wife and a great job helping people.  He’s also our soft ball coach and an inspiration to us all.  It was him who read Proverbs 3:5-6 today.

I’ve always loved Rocky Balboa.  It really is a come from behind - feel good story.  My Rocky moment occurs every morning at the end of Howard Street where the San Francisco Bay begins.  There is a beautiful view of the Bay Bridge.  Every morning I run down there and do a bunch of push ups and sit ups while the sun rises over the bay.  It really is beautiful.   I have been thinking of it as my Rocky moment for a while now.  The other day, just before I got there, there was a guy who wearing a shirt with Rocky holding his hands up in the air.  I love when that stuff happens.

Philadelphia is beautiful, but I enjoy my Rocky moment!

It feels so good to be in shape again.  I am just a little bit sore everyday.  It feels good.  I haven’t felt this way since high school.  I told Susan I wanted to lose a little bit of my belly.  She told me I was anorexic.  She said, “That’s skin on your stomach!”  Well, it’s more skin than I used to have.  I was kind of a tweaked out mess back then, but I want to stay in good shape.  I my have been thin, but I was not in good shape.  Running creates a completely different kind of high for me that lets me feel good ALL THE TIME!

The other day I told my friend Gina, I was going for the Rocky body.  I didn’t want a lot of muscles.  She said, “Didn’t he have a lot of muscles?”  Either way, I got a long way to go.  I also told her how I was stuck with a Dirty Hairy face.  I have spent a lot of time in the sun over the years and have many wrinkles for my age.  Susan always said, “At least their smiling wrinkles.”  I’m not sure how that is, because I wasn’t always smiling out there!  I’m smiling now.