So God created humankind in his image, in the image he created them; male and female he created them.
-Genesis 1:27
I really want out. It's just the people. I will stick around AND I will be better for doing so. It's just a tough hardcore environment to be in.
I am always grateful to be alive. I am also grateful that I do not act the way the people who make me feel the way I do act. I have to believe that they are not very happy. I don't know. I'm not very happy and I treat people with respect. I am constantly treated with no respect here.
I just got some unsolicited advice also. My "boss", aka "the ramrod", for the job I do here just ask how I was. I told her the truth - depressed. She went on to tell me how she sees me on the phone all the time. She said I needed to stop complaining about my situation, such as my bad back. The truth is, I do complain sometimes, but I complain about the difficult situations I face daily - not my physical condition. And, if I did tell my family about my aching back, it's not wrong. My family does care. I actually talk to them just to talk to them and see how they are. Occasionally, people here drive me crazy or steel my property and I do vent to my family. I never complain about my physical health - which is a mess. I wish people here would stay out of my business. I stay out of every ones.
So many people here love to tell others what to do. In the outpatient program I did so many times over years past, we were only allowed to speak in "I" statements. We were not even allowed to say "You". I think that is so great. I live by that. I bet that's obvious! I even implemented it at Christian Chaos. I should implement it at Wally World. There is nothing more belittling than hearing, "You should...because you...if you would...." People really need to imagine themselves in ones situation, draw from their own experience and change there way of speaking to, "I would... and if I... then...I...." Make sense? It sure feels better to the person receiving the "advice". I always practice this way of communicating.
This is just a tough place to be. Unfortunately, I am becoming the "go to guy" at the front desk. While being this, in many cases, is a good thing, it's not the greatest thing. It does say I am an approachable hard worker, but it is starting to mean I get overworked. This even occurred to me at Christian Chaos. It is starting to occur here now.
Basically, when people cannot work a shift, the "go to guy" is me. So far, I have had ONE thing come up for me that I had to find a replacement. It was a doctors appointment. The difference between me and everyone else is, I "trade" shifts. And, I choose my schedule based on my weekly calendar. I have at least 2 or 3 doctor appointments per week that I have to schedule around and I never miss work.
This morning, someone ask me what my day was like. She too works the front desk so, I assumed that she needed to know because she wanted me to fill in for her. I let her know that I worked this afternoon and that I had to meet with my counselor and my therapist this morning. Technically, we are only supposed to work one shift per day. I learned that the morning was the time she needed me to work. Although I had appointments, I was available for 1 ½ hours of the time she needed me to fill in. She let me work for her, but did not offer to work 1 ½ hours for me later today during my shift. I had just told her I was working tonight. I would always offer to trade someone without thinking twice - especially if they just helped me out by filling in for a time I needed go somewhere.
It’s not like I work THAT MUCH! I
can handle it, but it gets to be the principle. And, if I didn’t
complain about all this BS, it piles up inside me and drive me nuts.
Venting helps me. I don’t name names or talk about people to
others, so having this outlet helps me. My readers don’t know my
fellow clients and my fellow clients don’t know my readers – for
the most part. And, I don’t ever use names. I just have to vent.
Writing positive things helps me even
more. I do try to do that. It’s just that I haven’t had many
positive things to write about lately.
 |
| I really like this sign that hangs outside of Wally World. That's positive! It's a positive example of positive writing. I took photo with my phone on one of my walks around the building. Don't tell The Director! We are not allowed to take photographs while here! I'm such a rule breaker. That's not positive, but neither is that rule. |
I am so grateful to be alive. I love
this new staff member too. She just walked by and said, “Hello.”
She is so nice.
I am also grateful I can write while I
work. This 4:00PM to 7:00PM shift is not busy at all. I usually
work 10:00AM to 1:00Pm or 1:00PM to 4:00PM.
(The front desk just got really busy)
I spoke too soon! My goodness, I just unleashed “something”! These people here have just recently come from hardcore situations – usually. All of them are addicts. Some come from off the street. Some come from prison. It’s just a really tough place to exist. People here can be so harsh. "YOU...YOU...YOU...!"
Speaking of coming from the street, today I ate lunch with the clients who are in the detox program. Thank goodness I am where I am and not in detox anymore. 1 ½ years ago, I was in and out of detox four times when I was homeless. Back then it really felt like a step up. However, back then, I was afraid of being with people. I kind of see why now! Some of these people are scary people to be around! However, today I will always choose to live in faith over fear. Back then, I was very different because I was caught up in my addiction. EVERYTHING was scary, except the lust of my life which was a needle full of evil.
Coming from the hospital actually makes this place feel like a big step down now for me. Before, I was insane and afraid of people but staying clean a few days helped all that. Being off the street and in a bed with roof over my head was so much better than shooting crystal meth on the streets of San Francisco. I just came from a brand new hospital that is always spotless! And, the staff and other patients were usually very kind there. Here, they are and it is.... It’ll all be okay.
I’m not complaining. I’m blogging.
Many will never experience the life I write about. This is why I write about it. God found a way
to me. Actually, I found a way to evil first. Then, I realized, "Holy cow, if evil exist, then...." God has a way of getting to and working
with EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. If God can take someone like me out of the darkness
that I put myself – that’s amazing! Actually, God is capable of
EVERYTHING. Staying on God’s side is all we have to do. Just
because God is capable of EVERYTHING doesn’t mean life won’t be
difficult at times. Even for those who choose to lead very Good
lives will struggle with many things. They can be the ones who
question God, which is a good start. God has amazing ways of getting to us.
Honestly, I really don’t know how it all works, I just know God will always be the answer to everything. God has already won. We just need to be on God’s side. I do know this much.
I’m having a very difficult time lately. I put myself here. God is even with someone like me. Actually, God is probably especially with someone like me – because someone like me needs God. Just writing about God for the past few minutes has changed the way I feel. My entire body feels better. That’s what God does for me. I love God so much. God loves me. I know this and I will be forever grateful.
As long as I stay clean and with God, God will stay with me. I am certain of this. Even if things get hard, as they are, he is with me. This I do know. Knowing this and being aware of this changes everything for me. I’ll end it with that.
If God had a name, what would it be
And would you call it to His face
If you were faced with Him in all His glory
What would you ask if you had just one question
Yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home
If God had a face, what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like Heaven and in Jesus and the Saints
And all the Prophets and...
Yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home
Tryin' to make His way home
Back up to Heaven all alone
Nobody callin' on the phone
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome
Yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home
Just tryin' to make his way home
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to Heaven all alone
Just tryin' to make his way home
Nobody callin' on the phone
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome
No comments:
Post a Comment