Don't Stop Believin

I'm tired.  It's been a long day.  It started early.  I had to be at General Hospital to get a cat scan on my neck.  I guess they still haven't decided if I need one more surgery - on my neck.  I broke it, but have not had surgery on it.  I had surgery on all other areas of my body that contain bones, are important and were "shattered".  I didn't necessarily have surgery where bones were only "broken".  The strange thing about it is, my neck doesn't really hurt.  All the other seriously broken bones hurt - a lot!  They make a big deal of this one.  They make me continue to wear a neck brace.  I don't have to wear a back brace anymore - and it hurts!  However, it has had surgery - already. 

Anyway, I went to General Hospital with an assistant to help me - as usual.  She also assisted another patient.  He had to have something done to his lungs.  He was cool enough.  He's a bouncer in a bar.  He was also in a wheel chair.  Anyway, my procedure took 10 or 15 minutes.  His took over 4 hours!  I point this out only because I had to spend 6 hours in my wheel chair this morning.   It ended up being painful.  Not that I can't sit up like that here sometimes, but I have a table to lean on.  What is all this about?  It's been a good day.  It was nice to get out.  I guess it was just unexpectedly painful and tiring.

I've had so many visitors today.  It's been really nice today.  A couple of my friends in recovery who let me stay with them after I was exited from the rehab program I was in stopped by.  I love those guys!  They were awesome back then and they have been awesome every since.  One of them cleaned out my room after my "incident".  The other gets all my mail.  He is also the person who is "guiding" me through my recovery process.  He has recently gotten my mail about government insurance that I was unable to receive, yet likely will.  I know this because I talked to someone at the hospital I was in recently about that ordeal.  The details about all this are essentially for my "crazy" mind to deal with .  All's I am trying to point out is just how amazingly there for me my San Francisco friends have been! 

I also got two more visitors!  They are two people the rehab I was exited from assigned to be my career coaches!  One is a photographer and one is a book editor.  They were assigned to me right before I was exited.  We have all three developed deeper relationships that survived the insanity that was my relapse!  They both attend my church.  I love these two also. 

I have other friends in recovery who have been very important to me throughout all this also.  A couple even bring over there lovely animals I fell in love with while living with them!  They also continue support my drug rehabilitation needs. 

I have also regained my beautiful relationships I had with my family and my old friends from my old town - Cincinnati.  I love them and miss them.  I can't wait to go back some day and see so many.  There are even more I would want to see now than years ago.  This blog has done that.  God has done that. Like I've said, that's what this blogs about. 

Now it's the next day - Saturday. 

All of the previous things written in this blog were written yesterday - Friday.  Some of what you will read in the near future in this blog was also written yesterday.  I'll be sure to let you know.  Speaking of today, I just now got a needle in the stomach.  My typing of this blog was briefly interrupted.  Ouch!  I get two a day.  One at 8:00AM and one at 4:00PM.  It's 4:00.  I also got all my other meds I get every 4 hours, so I'll likely get a bit drowsy soon!   Why did I move to Saturday to write?  I was just proofing reading yesterdays and decided I needed to write about today...  OH, I know!  (New paragraph time Dave.)

I just had some visitor friends from Cincinnati!  Not "just" now, but a couple hours ago.  Her and I were friends in high school and we had similar career paths a while back.  She is someone I have gotten much closer to as a result of this blog.  She is really cool actually. 

I met her husband for the first time today and he seemed like a good guy.  They were visiting his sister in Monterey.  I told her she HAD TO visit San Francisco!  California is cool and all, but San Francisco is, well - Amazing?  Awesome?  Despite my downfalls, I still love this crazy town.  It is very beautiful and well - Amazing?  Awesome?

Well these nice Cincinnati friends of mine brought me a few things today.  I am very grateful for these things.  I've already used 2!  I will likely use 2 more soon.  I'm sure you'll get an obvious post when I use the other 2!

I love chocolate!  She bought me some things to help me make my milk and milk shakes chocolate!   She also bought me some pastels and art paper! I wish I had my Photoshop CD, I'd load it on to my new lap top and lighten that photo!  I'll get it when I make a trip to my storage unit someday - hopefully soon!  

I'm a dork who loves chocolate milk! 

 

Oh yeah, I also got some chocolate from my photographer church friend yesterday! 



It is TCHO chocolate. Fancy!  I had never had it, but it is so delicious that it's already gone!

Back to yesterdays typing:

I have a lot of pain to deal with - physically, emotionally and mentally.  However, it's because of all of you that pain is manageable.  It's of course because this hospital and wonderful and helpful nurses I am so grateful for!  I'm sure life will have tough challenges because of my mistakes as it should, but I have to be grateful I am alive.  I must not stop believin.

Back to today really quick: 

A nurse who was checking on me this morning informed me that when I hit the ground and broke my ribs after my fall, my broken ribs punctured my lung.  I knew I broke my ribs, but that lung puncture info was new to me today.  I guess that explains where that big scar on my left side came from.  It also explains that quiet gurgling noise I sometimes hear when I breath.

Back to yesterday:

That other person who went through so much of this with me seems to be doing okay also.  She has also helped me - tremendously!  My ex-wife is always willing to help me!  In some ways I feel we were soul mates.  My addiction was, however, entirely to strong for that.  I have died before and still ended up using.  Even after she was the one who saved my life.  In the past, life itself was not even enough.  I have to believe it will be different - this time.  God I pray!  It just has to be.  Things have to be different. 

This morning, in the van on the way to get a the cat scan, a song came on the radio.  I felt good this morning.  This song inspired me even more.  I recorded this back when things seemed good because they were.  I was staying with a couple of those helpful people I mentioned earlier.  This song was recorded just after I was exited from that program.  Things were tough.  I was healthy.  Seeing what I threw away is hard sometimes, but I think I should use my version.  Things will be different this time.  Don't Stop Believin!

Unfortunately, I can't put the actual video on this blog - yet.  I have the actual recording on my old laptop whose screen no longer works.  I hope to get to it soon, but for now I will at least provide a link to it.  I will also put the lyrics below for now.  I guess if you wanted to, you could listen to the song and look at this blog by leaving it as an open window to read the actual lyrics.  Or, if my singing is clear enough, perhaps you can understand the lyrics as I sing them!  Either way.

(I must admit, just watching my video brings tears to my eyes.  I hope that some day I can get back to being that "healthy"!  The lyrics really speek to me too!  "Oh the movie never ends, it goes on and on and on and on.")

Link to my version
(After you click, "Link to my version", just above, hit the play button on bottom left hand corner of video.  some day the actual video will be here)
 

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night.

Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time

Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night.

Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlights people

Don't stop believin'
Hold on
to that feelin'
Streetlight people