Once I got my new laptop computer in the mail, I had to deal with getting it connected to the internet and also figuring out Windows 8! Windows 8 was new to me! I never expected it to slow me as much it did though! My having to get connected here at the hospital was not new to me. I had gone through that just a couple of weeks before. I expected it to slow me. It did.
Each of these things had me slowed a bit. At some point, it seems I was unable to post something on Facebook about something I was actually just thinking now! So, I kind of laugh about it. I was just thinking, "MY REAR END HURTS!" More on that fact in a bit.
Another factor besides the two I mentioned (Getting reconnected & Windows 8) had also introduced itself - BlogSpot.com was unable to play YouTube videos! (Did/does my rear end pain constitute a third factor? Did I now have FOUR factors? Who knows)
The main factor for my decision to not start writing a blog, was the fact that I noticed that the video on my last blog, Help!, would not play the YouTube Video in that blog. In fact when I checked all of my previous blogs, none of the videos in them played! Frustrated I was! This was noticed many days ago. Yesterday, I emailed BlogSpot.com's technical support people about it and it was fixed minutes later! Faster and easier than I expected, that's for sure.
Anyway, the other night, I didn't expect it do go so simple, so I chose not to blog. I was tired (A fifth factor perhaps?). I decided to write a couple of paragraphs on Facebook's Update Status or What's on your mind?
Below is what I wrote:
"MY REAR END HURTS!
I am spending more and more time these days at a desktop computer in the library while I wait for my new laptop to arrive in the mail. I dropped and broke the screen on the last. I was due a new one anyway but the timing sure sucked.
My relapse that caused a short-term drug run (only 2 months) and ???-term hospital stay has assured me to lose weight! I've lost 30lbs! Much of it in my rear. My rear and my stomach love to gain (and lose) it first! Last I heard, I weighed 125. This is before some sweet, hometown lady friends mailed me endless supplies of my favorite sweets!
I also broke so many bones from head to toe. These bone breakings include my pelvis - in two places. I also broke my tailbone. I also shattered my back bone in my lower back. Ouch! - is all I can type. Typing takes more time = pain. Time does the healing and getting the getting use to - I guess!
I've been in this body and mind rehab place for a while. It all began in the ICU of a normal hospital for 3 weeks, January 15th! January 15th is when that faithless leap took place. Pure insanity had been reached. The big bad wolf awaited another loss arrival.
By the way, this is what that silly blog, Beaty's Babbling Brain Blog, is about. I post it, off and on, all the time. It's about my crazy days as an addict in this beautiful and crazy city - San Francisco. I say that and then I remember something it's really about - It's not about me. It's about God! Oh yeah and it's about my shooting up crystal meth. And, GOD!"
Somehow, I like to keep this blog and Facebook disconnected. Its a long story, but it does makes some since. I think. I always believed that not naming people OR creating nicknames made sense when I began rewriting this blog when I was homeless a year ago. However, I felt it was fine to name the recovery facility that excepted me and would eventually save me. Well, it seems my naming that facility in this blog was enough to get me exited. Well, that and my relapse of another one of my "behaviors" that was not an a written exitable offence! It turns out my exiting from that program was more about my telling The Truth. I thought they would try to keep me and maybe even put me on restriction for doing what I did while "she" begged me to shoot up with her, not kick me out! It was what it is or is what it was. It is what it is. Here I am. I will not name this hospital in this blog.
OR people who are not in this hospital and have done nothing but help and encourage me. The one exception I'll make is when I have permission to do so from a person.
Well, I am not going to ask for permission from these kind and very giving to me young ladies for their written Facebook responses to what I typed that night, but they were:
"So proud of you buddy keep on keeping on"
"Been thru it too babe you got it sending hugs and prayers !❤"
"I think u should make the blog a book dave i really think it would be a good book"
"IT WOULD HELP A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH ALL THE SAME PROBLEMS. ALSO GOING TO THE SCHOOLS AND TALKING TO THE KIDS FOR THERE ARE A LOT OF KIDS THAT HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT FAMILY PROBLEMS.... AND THEY END UP KILLING THEMSELVES... THERE ARE SO MANY KIDS TODAY WITH SO MANY DIFFERENT PROBLEMS."
"Yes ma'am so true !"
"Hang in there, Dave... God is good!! Keeping you in my daily prayers..
After all of that was written, I wrote this:
"I agree with everything you amazing ladies have to say. And, I
completely agree with the writing and journaling part. Occasionally, I will have someone say to me that I tell way too many things about myself to everyone. I believe that it is up to me to share with as many people as possible as much as possible. I don't even share everything! The fact of the matter is, I SHOULD BE DEAD - A few times! I believe that everyone needs to be honest - with at least someone! This is why I am so honest with so many. I believe if we are heading to a good place, Honesty and THE TRUTH will be very necessary there. Those things I imagine make for a pretty good place here also! Perhaps we should prepare ourselves with "another". That can start by just journaling "--other" is GOD!"
After writing that response, I decided that I should copy and paste it into BlogSpot.com with the belief that I may one day choose to include in my next blog - once I figured out how to get YouTube to post a video again! Well, like I said earlier, I did figure out how to get YouTube videos posted on my blog again.
It's always important to me that songs that are chosen for these blogs are orgtnic. They come as they come. When I pasted this one paragraph response in BlogSpot.com, I had no song in mind. One has yet to surface. I figured this paragraph may just be a part of my next blog. It is. I simply posted in the blog title, "New?", the other night after I copied and pasted it. I still can't think of a song and one never came up, so I guess this blog will be songless, yet remain organic. Is it "New?"
It is "New?"
I am spending more and more time these days at a desktop computer in the library while I wait for my new laptop to arrive in the mail. I dropped and broke the screen on the last. I was due a new one anyway but the timing sure sucked.
My relapse that caused a short-term drug run (only 2 months) and ???-term hospital stay has assured me to lose weight! I've lost 30lbs! Much of it in my rear. My rear and my stomach love to gain (and lose) it first! Last I heard, I weighed 125. This is before some sweet, hometown lady friends mailed me endless supplies of my favorite sweets!
I also broke so many bones from head to toe. These bone breakings include my pelvis - in two places. I also broke my tailbone. I also shattered my back bone in my lower back. Ouch! - is all I can type. Typing takes more time = pain. Time does the healing and getting the getting use to - I guess!
I've been in this body and mind rehab place for a while. It all began in the ICU of a normal hospital for 3 weeks, January 15th! January 15th is when that faithless leap took place. Pure insanity had been reached. The big bad wolf awaited another loss arrival.
By the way, this is what that silly blog, Beaty's Babbling Brain Blog, is about. I post it, off and on, all the time. It's about my crazy days as an addict in this beautiful and crazy city - San Francisco. I say that and then I remember something it's really about - It's not about me. It's about God! Oh yeah and it's about my shooting up crystal meth. And, GOD!"
Somehow, I like to keep this blog and Facebook disconnected. Its a long story, but it does makes some since. I think. I always believed that not naming people OR creating nicknames made sense when I began rewriting this blog when I was homeless a year ago. However, I felt it was fine to name the recovery facility that excepted me and would eventually save me. Well, it seems my naming that facility in this blog was enough to get me exited. Well, that and my relapse of another one of my "behaviors" that was not an a written exitable offence! It turns out my exiting from that program was more about my telling The Truth. I thought they would try to keep me and maybe even put me on restriction for doing what I did while "she" begged me to shoot up with her, not kick me out! It was what it is or is what it was. It is what it is. Here I am. I will not name this hospital in this blog.
OR people who are not in this hospital and have done nothing but help and encourage me. The one exception I'll make is when I have permission to do so from a person.
Well, I am not going to ask for permission from these kind and very giving to me young ladies for their written Facebook responses to what I typed that night, but they were:
"So proud of you buddy keep on keeping on"
"Been thru it too babe you got it sending hugs and prayers !❤"
"I think u should make the blog a book dave i really think it would be a good book"
"IT WOULD HELP A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH ALL THE SAME PROBLEMS. ALSO GOING TO THE SCHOOLS AND TALKING TO THE KIDS FOR THERE ARE A LOT OF KIDS THAT HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT FAMILY PROBLEMS.... AND THEY END UP KILLING THEMSELVES... THERE ARE SO MANY KIDS TODAY WITH SO MANY DIFFERENT PROBLEMS."
"Yes ma'am so true !"
"Hang in there, Dave... God is good!! Keeping you in my daily prayers..
After all of that was written, I wrote this:
"I agree with everything you amazing ladies have to say. And, I
completely agree with the writing and journaling part. Occasionally, I will have someone say to me that I tell way too many things about myself to everyone. I believe that it is up to me to share with as many people as possible as much as possible. I don't even share everything! The fact of the matter is, I SHOULD BE DEAD - A few times! I believe that everyone needs to be honest - with at least someone! This is why I am so honest with so many. I believe if we are heading to a good place, Honesty and THE TRUTH will be very necessary there. Those things I imagine make for a pretty good place here also! Perhaps we should prepare ourselves with "another". That can start by just journaling "--other" is GOD!"
After writing that response, I decided that I should copy and paste it into BlogSpot.com with the belief that I may one day choose to include in my next blog - once I figured out how to get YouTube to post a video again! Well, like I said earlier, I did figure out how to get YouTube videos posted on my blog again.
It's always important to me that songs that are chosen for these blogs are orgtnic. They come as they come. When I pasted this one paragraph response in BlogSpot.com, I had no song in mind. One has yet to surface. I figured this paragraph may just be a part of my next blog. It is. I simply posted in the blog title, "New?", the other night after I copied and pasted it. I still can't think of a song and one never came up, so I guess this blog will be songless, yet remain organic. Is it "New?"
It is "New?"
I don't think you can really heal if you live with secrets..It keeps you scared that someone will find out.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree. It has been through years of emotional pain and secrets that I have determined that one thing God needs to be called is The Truth. I say this because I believe that God is The Truth. And, The Truth is God.
ReplyDeleteJohn 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you" ...
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS THE WAY GOD HOPES ALL PEOPLE WOULD LIVE...
Thank you for that Bible verse Laurie. The Truth is, I was kicked out of a Christian program a few months ago. It's a long story, but this blog explains why. I used to love having The Bible to quote. I even had a Recovery Bible. It's in my storage unit and I would love to retrieve it soon. I do not yet consider myself a Christian. I simply believe in anyone who chooses to be a good person in any way or choice of faith. I was raised in a Christian Household that was a bit turbulent at times, but very loving. Addiction has always played it's role. The bottom line is I believe God does existed in my life. When I am clean and not using, I do what it takes to believe in GOD! GOD found me when I was lost in my addiction.
Delete