And I'm pretty healthy! I went to the doctor yesterday and got lots of tests back. I have no STD's, and I'm HIV and Hep C negative. And, my very cute doctor told that my MSRA is not something I need to really worry about. I had gotten some conflicting info about it. Some of it was also based on my situation years ago. She said, years ago when my doctor told me if I got it again it couldn't be treated and I could die was probably because my immune system was in such bad shape. Back then, I was getting those infections often and really having trouble fighting them. I was a huge and pathetic mess at times in my life. I always figured my doctor was just trying to scare me back then so I would stop using. You think?
Either way, my doctor said if I even got an infection today my body would be healthy enough to fight it. She said I was in better shape than any of her patients. Her saying that just made her even cuter! Let's not forget, she is a doctor at a clinic where a lot of homeless people go, so it's probably not saying much about the shape I'm in. I do feel in the best shape of my life in many ways. I started going there when I was homeless. Her working at such a place just makes her sweeter! She is really nice. She always makes me do that cough thing....That's a bad joke.
I do have to go back a few more times soon. I do have some issues. I am getting old and I was hard on myself. Apparently, I do have nerve damage and I also have arthritis really bad in my shoulder and neck. Those are managable things though. My arm does really hurt - especially when I exert myself by doing things like pushing that heavy cart. Which makes my discovery today that much better. I was very successful at the Wharf with my small set up which weighs about half as much on my smaller cart I used today. It was like taking a walk by comparison!
I can also set up with my small set up downtown or the Ferry Building for that matter. I am not constrained my the time constraints of my storage facility either. This means I can get rid of the one downtown storage space. Before I do, I will give it some time. I do realize that the Blue Angels are in town which is why I set up there in the first place. However, my sales were not just Blue Angel photos and the Blue Angel photos always sell anyway. Plus, I have frames now. That turns at least half of my $25 sales into $40 sales. My first customer to buy a frame today was from where? NYC - of course!
I can stay longer and work Sundays and not stress about getting back before my storage closes and the wharf lottery is at 9:00AM instead of 6:00 AM and it's really chill and.... I just feel pretty good about things. I got some nice shots of those aerial planes while working today too!
I actually like the Wharf. It reminds me a little of Gatlinburg sometimes, but it's still cool. Like I didn't got to Gatlingburg all the time! Hey, they both have Ripley's believe it or Not Museums. I think Gatlinburg even has a Hard Rock Cafe these days! Terrorists (i.e. - Tourists)! They pay my rent! The Wharf is pretty much all Tourists actually. I kind of like having locals as customers. I can still go to the Ferry Building with my small set up. And, I like tourists!
I used to sell at the Wharf all the time. It reminds of my early days as a street artists. It also reminds me of Susan. That part is kind of hard. I've been missing her lately. I took a lot of photos today to pass the time - when I wasn't selling something!
I also read a book. I was happy today.
Now that I can work all the time, I can unleash my other addiction - work! I do get that way. I can stay all night if I want! Hey it beats wandering into the Lusty Lady at night. I wish one of the Lusty Ladies would wander into my place and stay all night with me! Seem work is a better addiction. Meth addiction just doesn't work for me - AT ALL. Sex addiction is best with two and that's just not happening. Work addiction I can do alone! Perhaps I should wander into more recovery meetings. Actually, I will. I will have more time. I'll keep my stuff at my place, which means no more cross town commute to my storage unit and then to the Ferry Building. Traffic is horrible - even on a bike. I'll save a lot of time and energy and money. I was really wearing myself out. And, I was in pain - I still am.
The guys who work at my stotage unit are always so concerned about me. I show up an exhausted sweating mess! It's actually be hot for San Francisco lately. The last time I was there the guy said, "You're going to kill yourself." I laughed and he said, "No, literally, you're going to kill yourself!" If running thought hell didn't kill me..... It'll still be nice to take it a little easier.
I learned at the doctor yesterday that I lost five pounds in the past 3 weeks. I like that. Susan always told me I'm anorexic. She's wrong, - I'm fat. That's suppose to be a joke, but I did want to lose ten pounds. I lost 5. I know it's from pushing that cart! I plan to start running again. I want to weigh 145. Maybe even 140. Before I went into rehab I was at about 130. Hopefully, I've gained some in muscle. Who cares? Me I guess. I don't even have a scale. Do I sound like a woman? Do women hate me now?
Actually, I am borderline anemic. My iron is very low in my blood. I was annemic as kid. It's probably my diet, but she wants me to come back and do more tests in month. "Cough please." That's ridiculous. I feel happy so I make stupid jokes that probably don't even make sense in writing anyway! Being happy makes me want to be sad. I have reason. It's about Susan and the past, but I'd rather not go there. Briefly, I'll say this new neighborhood I love so much meant a lot to both of us. This just makes me sad, so I want to change the subject.
I love Cafe Greco. It's a nice place to hang out.
I kind of just got lost in my head for a bit. I just sat here staring. Things have been hard, but I keep doing the next right thing - most of the time. I've had some set backs, but I've been honest about it. I've told the truth. I've worked hard. I've had faith, I've let go.... It really all does matter. My addiction caused a lot of damage which does make me sad. I created a lot of pain. This is supposed to be a happy blog!
I love so many people. So many people have looked to me for something recently. This means a lot to me. I hate that people are struggling, but I'm glad I can be there to the ones who have turned to me. That's what this is all supposed to b about in some ways anyway. So many are still there for me, including the ones who look to me - if that makes sense. Please know, a lot of us do struggle. That's why we need God. Actually, to me all this - is God!
Speaking of God, should I tell this story? I don't want to offend anyone - especially Jesus. It's just the facts as they happen. Is it wrong that I laughed? I think God has sense of humor.... Here it goes.
The other day I wrote that blog, Promised Land, about sidewalk messages and meeting Elvis Christ. Yesterday morning, Gina and I were walking down the street and we saw this one:
It's horrible I know, but it made me laugh. The real reason I tell the story however is after Gina and I laughed about it, she said something like, "...you're religious." It cracks me up when people say that. I said, "No I'm not." She looked at me like I was crazy. She said, "You quote The Bible...." I said, "True, but I also quote The Grateful Dead." In fact, my blogs always have a song, but they don't always have a bible verse. I do believe The Bible is divinely inspired, but I also believe the Qur'an is devinely inspired. And, art! Art is as much my God as anyting. The bottom line, I do believe in God. And, the sidewalk messages have spoken to me in some crazy ways. Crazy DARK ways. Evils ways. Really evil. Really Good also sometimes. The above one just made me laugh at the time, but there have been some biblical ones in the past in my path that scared me and hurt me. I promise you I wasn't always laughing at them.
One year ago this week the darkness began getting as dark as ever for me. I know this because it was the weekend of the Blue Angels. I was warned. I was warned. I was warrned. The Voices became more than voices. "...you who rise and takes its shape..." Let's not go there.
It is the past. It was so dark. It was undeniably real. And yet here I sit today. Life is beautiful. My darkness left scars, but life if beautiful. Without all that, would there be all this? I have no idea but God is beautiful. Sorry about the Jesus thing. It was just so timely to what I had just written the night before. What does it say about sidewalk messages? I have no idea. I make this blog silly, but this Good and evil stuff is really serious for me. It needs to be. However, being on the Good side makes life fun. The Good voices even laughed at me sometimes when I was on the dark side. They always had a better time than me in the end! I can laugh today. I can smile today. I love God today. I mean that. Whether I'm insane or not doesn't matter to me - I mean that. I know what I know.
I believe in Jesus in many ways. I believe in Mohammad in many ways. I believe in Jerry Garcia in many ways. Jesus was a big one I think. He may have been God in some ways. I started reading The Bible again last night. I told Susan what Gina said and she said, "You are San Francisco religious." I'm not religious! I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being religious either. I attend a Christian Church I guess. I've been to a lot more concerts. I just don't want to be a part of any one religion or none. Sometimes I just write things.
This blog got confusing. Let's here a song about jet airplanes. I have no idea where to find the lyrics to this one. KFOG played as I left my room to come to Cafe Greco and all's I knew is I had a blog title. Thanks God.
Is there anything to the fact that the name of this band is The "THREE" O'clock?
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