Animal

(I wrote this blog 7/15/13)

I don’t even know where to begin. Today has been incredibly frustrating. I have six months clean today too.  That is a good thing.

I just feel mentally exhausted. My “doctor” ruined my day.  Let's call her Dr. Zoo.  It is very close to her real name.  That is how it is pronounced - I think.  It's not as if I don't have the right to use names of organizations and/or professionals in them.  Doctors are supposed to alleviate pain and suffering - not add to it.  I guess a real name that sounds like Dr. Zoo is appropriate. 

I used real names at Christian Chaos.  (9/13/13 - Actually known as CityTeam.  I used the real names of the staff - not the clients.  I used nicknames.  If a Christian program can't handle me writing the truth then there is a huge problem with that in my opinion.  I do protect clients names.  I get that.  Certain types of programs have anonymity.  That, I also understand and protect.  Maybe I'm confused.)

I’m going to really try to slow down and think this through. This may turn into some type of “official” letter.

Where should I begin?   When I was discharged from Laguna Honda Hospital, they asked me what clinic I would like to go to. I chose Mission Neighborhood Clinic because, in the past, my doctor there was really helpful, caring and friendly. I found out she left, but I still picked it thinking that I would get a good doctor again.

My first appointment was July 3^rd. I went with all of my records which included records about the medication I take. My very nice social worker from The Community Living Fund accompanied me to that appointment.

Understandably, my new doctor started off with me as if she had no idea about any of my history. She asked why I came there. I began telling her how I was an addict and I had lost my mind and jumped off the rooftop of a parking garage. She interrupted me and said, “Cut to the chase….” She told me they had a lot of people waiting and that she didn’t have a lot of time for me.

I had brought all of my information about my prescriptions so she spent the rest of the appointment typing them into the computer. She only gave me a two weeks supply and said I would have to come back in two weeks when she had more time.  When we left, my social worker and her assistant that was with us suggested I get a new doctor. They didn’t approve of the way my Dr. Zoo treated me.

Today was my second appointment that she scheduled two weeks ago because she was too busy for me . Everyone at the clinic is nice except Dr. Zoo. The nurse who weighed me, took my blood pressure and asked about my medications said that she could not find of my prescriptions I mentioned in the computer – even though I gave Dr. Zoo a complete list two weeks ago and saw her put them in the computer when I was there the first time with my social worker.  I took ALL the records I had on July 3^rd.

I went with a “buddy” this time. She watched my stuff in the waiting room. The only thing I did take in with me was my cane.

When the doctor came into the examination room she was once again very short with me. I thought that perhaps she had just had a bad day first time and I was willing to give her another chance. I learned very quickly that she hadn’t changed a bit. I figured the only thing she was going to be good for was refilling my prescriptions and that I would figure out how to switch doctors in the future.  She still has no record of my prescriptions in her computer. I was told while at Laguna Honda that she would have access to everything about me. Apparently, for some reason., she does not.

She asked me to call someone so I could inform her of how many milligrams and what my daily dosages were. She was standing by the phone. I stoop up and waited for her to move so I could call Wally World. 

 

(9/13 - I'm actually at Walden  House.  That's just the truth.  Kick me out.  I am very grateful for Walden House and CityTeam.  That's why I name them - to give them credit for helping to save my life.  I still like their nicknames though.) 

 

I was going to call Wally World and ask the pharmacist about my dosage information.  Then, Dr. Zoo turned around, looked at me, and very unpleasantly said, “Why are you standing in front of me for the way I am trying to go?” I simply said, “I didn’t know that was where you were going. I was just waiting to use your phone.”

I didn’t know the number so I left the room and went out into the waiting area to get it out of my bag that my “buddy” was sitting with. The doctor followed behind me and said that she would have her nurse call Walgreen’s to get that information.   In all the rush and confusion, I left my cane in the examination room.

Eventually she brought some of my prescriptions out to the waiting area. After she read the list she prescribed me, I realized she didn’t have all my prescriptions and nicely made her aware of this. She was very frustrated, but went and wrote the ones she hadn't. Then she told me that next time I needed to call the hospital, not where I was staying to get her that information. Where I’m staying has an in-house pharmacist with that information. And, she had that information the last time I brought ALL my records.  Dr. Zoo was so lost – and mean.

As I was getting ready to leave, I realized I did not have my cane with me.  I walked back towards the examination room I had been in.  The door was open and a new patient was sitting there.  I said, "I'm sorry, I left my cane in here."  She walked over and shut the door. 

A nurse then walked up and I explained that I left my cane. She told me she would check.  I told her it was a black cane with orange stripes on it.  I had decorated it with orange and black stripes for the Bengals.  I used white medical tape and markers.  This was very small under the handle.  I explained this to her. 

She came back saying a man had a black cane but said it was his.  I asked if I could see it and was told it was a private room for the patient.  I understood, but they could have at least brought me the cane.  They said it was solid black, but he could have easily removed that tape.  If someone said they left a cane in a room and wanted to see mine, I'd gladly prove that a cane was mine for someone who had just left theirs. 

Basically, my cane was stolen - I guess.  I don't know where else it could have gone.  I don't see how likely someone could have also had a black cane in the room I had just left one.  The place gets mostly homeless people.  I was once homeless and care for homeless people, but some are thieves.  How on earth can someone steal someone's cane?  I hope whoever did, really needs it.

I'm done with Mission Neighborhood Health Center.  It won't be simple, but I have to switch Doctors.

I feel better after writing this.  My brain is not right - nor is my back or leg or many other things I need a doctor for.  She had been nothing but aggravation, frustration and anxiety!!!  "Why would you wanna hurt me?"

 

THE END!

 

 

Going to the doctor is to get prescriptions is not supposed to be so stressful and hard and, AHHH!

 

 

(9/13 - I was really stressed out that day.  Obviously, I kept writing after I wrote "THE END!"  My hand writing is never good, but that day, it was so horrible.  Apparently I was writing really fast.  Thankfully, I have come a long way in two months since I wrote this.  I even have a great clinic!   Yay!  That light at the end of the tunnel has gotten brighter.  I won't ruin the hard times I went through though.  I do recall how stressed out and depressed I was.  I'm not nearly as stressed out or depressed these days.)

 

 

 

My barely readable writing that day.
 



My bad handwriting on other days.  At least I can read it - usually.  I prefer typing.  I look forward to the day when I actually write with my computer.  Sometimes, I just have to write.  And, I am not allowed to have a computer at Wally World.  It's so nice just to be on my computer transcribing my blog AND using my phone to take photos and post them on my blog.  This blog needs photos so badly.  Someday, I'll be back to my old ways and will have them regularly once again.

Dr. Zoo has become a major problem.  I can't get more that 6 prescriptions per month on MediCal and she keeps writing me prescriptions for only 2 weeks.  I have 6 prescriptions.  This means, when I go to pick up the 6 for the second time in a month, Walgreens has to "tar" it - whatever that means.  To me it means, come back in 3 days to get them.  This is all so new and confusing to me.  It's not as if I can easily come and go from Wally World any time I need to.

Perhaps things are meant to be.  I don't really belong in that clinic anyway.  They used to be very nice to me.  Things have changed.  The only major change is my doctor.

My reality has also changed.  Being there does remind me of the days when I was homeless.  I used to go there to shower and brush my teeth because everyone spoke Spanish and I couldn't understand their words when they were "talking about me."  Back then, I was such a tweaked out mess.  Everywhere I went, everyone talked about me.  Their words went directly along with their voices in my head.  Those days were so insanely horrible.

I have an appointment scheduled with the clinic a block away.  It is called The Mission Neighborhood Center. It is not a homeless shelter.   The Mission Neighborhood Clinic acts as a homeless shelter during the day. 

I actually went back to The Mission Neighborhood Clinic when I had a place in North Beach before I relapsed.  I was pushing that heavy cart back and forth to work every day and was having pain in my shoulder.  They sent me to General Hospital to get x-rays.  It turned out to be arthritis.  I was signed up for Healthy San Francisco as a result.

The doctor back then was SO NICE.  I guess those days are over too.  Time to move on!!!

I never have a problem leaving behind or not paying attention to problem makers.  It is what they deserve.  I'm sure she has issues of her own to deal with.  She made that obvious.  The only thing I want to know is, "Why would you wanna hurt me?"

 

one, two, three, four, five against one
five, five, against one
said one, two, three, four, five against one
five, five...five, five...five against one
torture from you to me
abducted from the street
i'd rather be...
i'd rather be with...
i'd rather be with an animal
why would you wanna hurt me?
so frightened of your pain...
i'd rather be...
i'd rather be with...
i'd rather be with an animal
i'd rather be...
i'd rather be...
i'd rather be with an animal
i'd rather be...
i'd rather be with...
i'd rather be with an animal
i'd rather be...
i'd rather be with...
i'd rather be with an animal
said one, two, three, four, five against one
five, five...five, five...five against one
one, two, three, four, five against one
five, five...five, five...five against one