Space Oddity

(I wrote this blog 8/22/13)

I feel like I look better every day.  Apparently, I still look "in need".  Some very nice lady just gave me two dollars. I was sitting outside of this club that has 12 step recovery meetings all day and night long.  I was able to buy potato chips and a soda! 

While I never have been a beggar, I use to make a sign that said I was "in need".  It said, "HOMELESS.  ANY THING HELPS".  And I would draw photos of a dollar sign, coins, a soda, a hamburger and a cigarette. The first time I ever displayed my sign at the corner of 5th and Market, I got a $10 bill within a few minutes.  That is the most I ever got.  I use to find $20 bills all the time.  I once found a brand new crisp $50 bill.  That made for a nice big hit.

I was about to take a photo of my self sitting up against this glass wall to show how "pathetic" I looked.  Just then, my band mate who owns this club pulled up on his bike.  It has a 3 second timer on my computer.  It was just enough time for me to look away say "hey" and smile!

I don't have a whole lot to write about I guess.  I am grateful to have some freedom.  I am also frustrated.  Tomorrow, my friend has tickets to The Academy of Sciences.  I have wanted to go here for so long.  It's not cheap, but tomorrow, it's free!  I put in for permission to go to church and then to the museum.  My counselor said that people who have recently gotten on their "own strength" are not allowed to be gone that long without a "buddy".  I said, "Well it's open from noon till 5:00."  She said, "okay you can go from 2:00 until 6:00."  Huh? 

I changed it to be from 1:00 till 5:00 at least.  Either way, she only gave us permission to go 4 hours.  I don't get it. Back before I even had own strength, I think she gave me permission to go for 6 hours. We didn't go because I did not get to his house until 1:40 and we didn't think that was enough time.  I may leave a little early and will definitely come back a little late.  I'm not doing anything wrong and I'm going with someone who has a lot more clean time than any "buddy" here has.  She said that we need "buddies" to be gone that long.  I think he more than qualifies.

Overall, I'm heading in the right direction.  MediCal cut me off.  That sucks.  The part that sucks is Healthy San Francisco will not cover my morphine prescription.  I have been slowly weaning myself off thankfully.  I have myself to thank for that.  My doctor who was trying to get me out of Laguna Honda never even considered that.  I had no idea I would be cut off of MediCal when I left, but I was.  At least I'm only going from 160mg to 80mg to zero mg.  I used to be on 300mg.

I take only 80mg a day instead of the prescribed 160mg.  I'm glad I learned I lost MediCal before that prescription ran out or I would have went from 160mg to zero mg.  I am nauseous from cutting it and half.  My doctor wants me to get on suboxin.  I'd rather not.  That's what heroin addicts take instead of methadone sometimes.  It is a narcotic.  So is morphine, of course, but I had to be on that for the tremendous pain my injuries created.  If I survived all that pain and discomfort months ago, I'll survive the discomfort from the nausea once I am out.  I will live.  It can't last that long.  Can it?

I just learned my cousin will be in San Francisco in November.  I look very forward to this.  She was always very cool.  I love playing tour guide!  It's been a long time since I've had someone here to be that for.  I can blame myself for that.  Not to many people visit homeless IV drug users.  Actually, I haven't been that much - too recently. 

Over the past 16 months, I only used for 2.  The past 3 years have just been exceptionally hard.  I've either been homeless, in rehab or in the hospital. 

I will never use again.  Somehow, I know this.  I really wish I could have turned this corner before I lost so many things, but at least I did not lose my life.  For that I will be forever grateful. 

It is coming with stipulations, but I really look forward to visiting The Academy of Science.  I am very grateful.  I've always wanted to go there!  I have to admit, I'm a bit of a Science nerd. 

I love animals.  Susan was a vegetarian because she loved animals.  It rubbed off on me. about 7 years ago.  Plus, she saved my life and animals meant so much to her that I will always be a vegetarian.  For her and the animals. 

I here they have a lot of interesting creatures at The Academy of Science.  It has a huge aquarium.  I love the Pacific Ocean.  It's so beautiful.  It brings up a lot of feelings to be near parts of it. Tears.  Some of it, I have to stay away from - for now.  It's still amazingly beautiful.  I think I'll be safe around the artificial parts.

I was safe!  I was very happy.

 

 

I took so many more photos of the amazing creatures.  I could share them all!

I love planetariums.   Anything related to the unbelievable, amazing and beautiful Universe captivates me.  It proves to me that there is something so much bigger "out there".

In my using days, while out by the ocean, I saw hundreds of shooting stars. I made the same wish - to be with Susan.  Ultimately, it didn't come true.  However, maybe we will all be together someday.  So much is possible in this vast Universe.  Everything is possible.

This day, the planetarium had show about the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.  It also covered other modern day tectonic information around the world.  It started off by flying into modern day San Francisco.  It then changed to 1906 San Francisco. My next FREE trip I got to see the outer space Universe show I love so much!  I loved that earthquake show too!

Ground control to major Tom
Ground control to major Tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
(Ten) Ground control (Nine) to major Tom (Eight)
(Seven, six) Commencing countdown (Five), engines on (Four)
(Three, two) Check ignition (One) and may gods (Blastoff) love be with you

This is ground control to major Tom, you've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare

This is major Tom to ground control, I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today
Here am I sitting in a tin can far above the world
Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do

Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles, I'm feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much, she knows
Ground control to major Tom, your circuits dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me, major Tom?
Can you hear me, major Tom?
Can you hear me, major Tom?
Can you...
Here am I sitting in my tin can far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do