Friday the 13th

(I wrote this blog on Friday, April 13th)

11:30 AM

"DAVID!  Sit down for a minute, 'cause you pacin 'bout that iPod!  Matter a fact, do some writing!"

I just got back from the GA office and my new GA worker was of no help at all.  She won't even meet with me.  I basically waited for three hours for my worker to bring me a piece of paper with a box checked indicating I was still homeless!  I took her a letter from CityTeam and filled out the proper paper work to notify them that I was no longer homeless and I was in a program.  

It's a long story, but I'm really trying to do the right thing.  I'm really trying to get back on my feet.  The guy who took me, "Tex", has nine months clean.  He had to walk me down to my monthy appointment because I am on restriction.  On the way back from the GA office, he said it best, "It took me six months to dig that hole in the ground in Golden Gate Park and I lived in it for nine years!  We ain't gonna get out of this mess overnight dog!"  He's right.

I was in a rush this morning to get the GA office.  I also wanted to make it to a funeral this morning.  In my haste and complete absent mindedness, I guess I left my iPod sitting on one of the tables.  It's gone.  It's gone on a day when two guys are in the process of packing their stuff because they got caught steeling.  

This all went down while I was at my appointment.  One of the the thieves gave a not as nice iPod as my iPod to one of the other guys in the program.  I really like this thief and I do not want to point the finger nor do I believe he would steel from me,  but it's hard not to make assumptions.  I feel really bad about feeling this way about this person, but there is a guilt by association factor involved here.  He also seems to be a bit of a klepto.  He obviously has issues.  I really like him but I also like my iPod.   I'm not so sure about the other guy and I haven't seen him yet, but I again, I don't want to point the finger here.

That iPod was really helping me get through some tough times.  It helped me at night.  It helps me not have to talk, which apparently bugs the crap out of some people here.  More than anything, it helps me get out of my head.  I said I believe in Karma to some degree.  I got some bad karma coming my way.  I have to work through it.  I have to let all the "stuff" from this morning go.  It still sucks.  

I can't quit smoking.  After I realized all this, I smoked a cigarette with a patch on my arm!  

I'm am glad the house manager to told me to write, because it helps.  I still feel like crap about all this.  The house manager said to me, "We gonna find that iPod!"  

If we don't, I'll be playing more guitar.  I'm alive.  I have been clean for 28 days.  Both of those facts are miracles.

I've been caught stealing;
once when I was 5...
I enjoy stealing.
It's just as simple as that.
Well, it's just a simple fact.
When I want something,
I don't want to pay for it.

I walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right! If I get by, it's mine.
Mine all mine!

My girl, she's one too.
She'll go and get her a skirt.
Stick it under her shirt.
She grabbed a razor for me.
And she did it just like that.
When she wants something,
She don't want to pay for it.

She walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right! If I get by, it's mine.
Mine all mine!

We sat around the pile.
We sat and laughed.
We sat and laughed and
Waved it into the air!
And we did it just like that.
When we want something,
We don't want to pay for it.

We walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey, all right! If I get by, it's mine,
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine... 

 

1:25 PM

The iPod showed up!  

Someone who isn't going to be here much longer, we'll call him "my homeboy", because that's what he calls me was playing a trick on me.  HA HA.  I like this guy too.  I do always tell him to quit working (his name here)'s program.  

The truth is, I'm glad it all happened.  I get to say goodby to my klepto friend without feeling the way I felt.  I'm so glad I didn't point the finger.  I really prayed hard on it. I didn't think they'd steel from me.  They had been steeling donations.  It was wrong for them to do that.

Actually, the guy I really liked who I didn't want to be suspicious of is the one who found it!  He said, "Dave, is that it?"  It was!  I first I thought, "Maybe he felt guilty or didn't realize it was mine."  It was just then "my homeboy" walked back into the door from wherever he was and said, "I hid that this morning under that backpack playing a joke on you and forgot."  Someone just happened to pick up the backpack.  I wasn't alone in my suspicion.  A couple of guys let me know that.  The house manager said to me, "I's fixin to treat dem like deys in county!"

I spent some of my morning when people weren't near me saying out loud, "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK."  I know it shouldn't be that stressful, but I just had a lot happening this morning.

A staff member let "my homeboy" what it did to me.  He really was just trying to mess with me.  He did, but I'm okay.  I need music.

Listen up, listen up!
Here we go
It's a fucked up world
A fucked up place
Everybody's judged by their fucked up face
Fucked up dreams
Fucked up life
A fucked up kid
With a fucked up knife
Fucked up moms
And fucked up dads
It's a fucked up a cop
With a fucked up badge
Fucked up job
With fucked up pay
And a fucked up boss
Is a fucked up pain
Fucked up press
And fucked up lies
Well, Lethal's in the back
With the fact of the fires

Hey, it's on
Everybody knows it's on
Hey, it's on
Everybody knows it's on

Ain't it a shame that you can't say "Fuck"
Fuck's just a word
And it's all fucked up
Like a fucked up punk
With a fucked up mouth
A nine inch nail
I'll get knocked the fuck out
Fucked up aids
From fucked up sex
Fake ass titties
On a fucked up chest
We're all fucked up
So whatcha wanna do?
We fucked up me
And fucked up you

You wanna fuck me like an animal
You'd like to burn me on the inside
You like to think that I'm a perfect drug
Just know that nothing you do
Will bring you closer to me

Ain't life a bitch?
A fucked up bitch
A fucked up sore with a fucked up stitch
A fucked up head
Is a fucked up shame
Swinging on my nuts
Is a fucked up game
Jealousy filling up a fucked up mind
It's real fucked up
Like a fucked up crime
If I say "Fuck", two more times
That's forty six "Fucks" in this fucked up rhyme

It's on
Everybody knows it's on
Hey, it's on
Everybody knows it's on

You wanna fuck me like an animal
You'd like to burn me on the inside
You like to think that I'm a perfect drug
Just know that nothing you do
Will bring you closer to me

Hooo Haaa Haaaw!
Listen up baby
You.. can't.. bring.. me.. (bring me).. down
I.. don't.. think.. so
I don't want some
You.. better.. check.. your.. (check it).. self
Before.. you.. wreck.. your.. self
Kiss.. my.. star.. fish
My.. choco.. late.. Starfish.. punk
Kiss.. my.. star.. fish
My.. choco.. late.. Starfish.. punk

You wanna fuck me like an animal
You'd like to burn me on the inside
You like to think that I'm a perfect drug
Just know that nothing you do
Will bring you closer to me