(I wrote this blog 8/19/13)
Well, I am on my way to my home away from - General Hospital. Today it is hematology. While I am grateful to come to this appointment, I'm not looking forward to it. I used to love sticking needles in my arm. Now I hate getting needles in my arm for so many reasons.
Years ago when I was in Cincinnati, I always donated blood to Hoxworth Blood Center because I have one of the rarest blood types. I am a universal receiver. That means they wanted to make sure that my rare blood type got our blood type and not every ones blood type - even though we can.
Because I was once an IV drug user, I will never be allowed to donate blood again for the rest of my life. Not that I would after what I did with needles. It reminds me too much of what came after that needle going into my arm. Getting that little poke always makes me anticipate that lustful rush. It always delivered "...a trip to the moon. Took me away...."
Actually, those blood drawing needles are a lot thicker than those 29 gage, 100 CC ones I liked to use. I will make it through. I've been through this before. I am all about creating new memories. It still warms my heart just writing about it. I need always remember what those Southern rockers, who I of course saw a few times, had to say about it - "Lord, their gonna bury you boy. Don't mess with the needle."
There I go blogging again. Perhaps this will be ready in about a month. I need to keep that blog in chronological order.
(10/21 -After posting most of what you just read on Facebook, I heard from an old friend from highschool. Many say I share too much. I disagree. I'll never forget years ago not wanting to even tell my family so many of my secrets. Secrets like, "I shoot up." I didn't want to tell ANYONE. Now I tell everyone for the sake of The Truth. I was seeing way to much out their to not share it with others. To share the amazing parts and hopefully be believed, I realized I had to share the not so amazing parts. I had to share the Whole Truth. God knows EVERYTHING any way. I believe that someday we will have no secrets. I'm not suggesting anyone spill it all to everyone like me however. Sharing it with someone may not be a bad idea. That someone will always include God.)
Here is how that Facebook conversation went:
Well, I am on my way to my home away from - General Hospital. Today it is hematology. While I am grateful to come to this appointment, I'm not looking forward to it. I used to love sticking needles in my arm. Now I hate getting needles in my arm for so many reasons.
Years ago when I was in Cincinnati, I always donated blood to Hoxworth Blood Center because I have one of the rarest blood types. I am a universal receiver. That means they wanted to make sure that my rare blood type got our blood type and not every ones blood type - even though we can.
Because I was once an IV drug user, I will never be allowed to donate blood again for the rest of my life. Not that I would after what I did with needles. It reminds me too much of what came after that needle going into my arm. Getting that little poke always makes me anticipate that lustful rush. It always delivered "...a trip to the moon. Took me away...."
Actually, those blood drawing needles are a lot thicker than those 29 gage, 100 CC ones I liked to use. I will make it through. I've been through this before. I am all about creating new memories. It still warms my heart just writing about it. I need always remember what those Southern rockers, who I of course saw a few times, had to say about it - "Lord, their gonna bury you boy. Don't mess with the needle."
There I go blogging again. Perhaps this will be ready in about a month. I need to keep that blog in chronological order.
(10/21 -After posting most of what you just read on Facebook, I heard from an old friend from highschool. Many say I share too much. I disagree. I'll never forget years ago not wanting to even tell my family so many of my secrets. Secrets like, "I shoot up." I didn't want to tell ANYONE. Now I tell everyone for the sake of The Truth. I was seeing way to much out their to not share it with others. To share the amazing parts and hopefully be believed, I realized I had to share the not so amazing parts. I had to share the Whole Truth. God knows EVERYTHING any way. I believe that someday we will have no secrets. I'm not suggesting anyone spill it all to everyone like me however. Sharing it with someone may not be a bad idea. That someone will always include God.)
Here is how that Facebook conversation went:
FRIEND:
"Really? You we re doing that crap? JACKASS!!!!!"
"Really? You we re doing that crap? JACKASS!!!!!"
"I wasn't too fond of myself (friend). Both of my parents died from their addiction. Addiction is a horrible misunderstood DISEASE. It's even more than a disease. I was dealing with the devil at the end of January. In the parallel Universe in which I existed, I was dragging my loved ones down into the darkness with me.
The devil tried consuming my soul many times, but it was always to painful for me to allow to be completed. I finally decided to end it on my own. I was in the San Bruno mountain all night trying to allow that soul consumption to occur, once again. Eventually, I found the tallest structure I could. It was the San Bruno Parking garage. It was 5 floors - about 50 feet. I hit concrete but lived.
I was never supposed to walk again, but I do. I have known there was a God since the day evil showed itself to me years ago. If God loves me, he loves everyone. My act was insane, but unselfish.
If it keeps me clean for the rest of my life, I will have killed that JACKASS, as you put it, that I never dreamed I would be when I was graduating from college and marrying my high school sweetheart and soul mate who finally had to give up on me.
We moved to the city I proposed to her and we honeymooned and I got the job of my dreams, but my addiction took it away. Addiction is one of the toughest diseases a human can have. I am now doing everything I possibly can to make a difference in this universe. I will always care about people and try to help others."
(Later that day - after hematology appointment.)
I made it. Needle in the arm and all. I have to admit, that needle triggered me quite a bit. I almost had tears in my eyes. How could I possibly crave something that made me jump off a rooftop, knowing I was on a one way trip to hell?
My doctor is so nice. This city is so understanding of people like me. It cares about people like me. I'm not sure if that person who went to my high school was joking or what. I've had that kind of morning I guess.
(10/21 - I didn't have chance to copy his response, but, I did get a very kind and understanding response from him later. His reaction to my insanity was and is understood.)
On my way to General Hospital, I got on the bus and was still talking to my aunt on my brand new $5 Bluetooth earpiece I got from office max. It's a long story, but it was $29.00 reduced to $20.00, then $10.00. I found it online. They didn't have it in San Francisco and it was not possible to order it online - I tried. They had them in Roseville which is way north of Sacramento. They sent it FedEx. It turned out to be only $5.00. I love it. I hate cords.
Anyway, I guess I talk loud. The bus was quiet. As soon as I lost her call, some guy halfway back started yelling at me. He said, "Have some cell phone etiquette BLABBER MOUTH!" I just looked out him and said, "Fuck You Asshole!" He went on an on. I flicked him off and called him an asshole. I hate being that way, but I just couldn't help it. When he got off, I apologized to a lot of people and they all said, "He WAS an asshole." It was funny too, because after our little heated argument, that I did not want to have, some German guy got on the bus, stood right next to him and was talking on his phone - in German. I was just waiting for him to say something, but he got off.
The City! I have seen 5 people in this hematology department at General that I know. I know lots of people who are HIV+ I guess. I'm pretty sure I am not, but I went ahead and got an HIV test. I was negative in February, but I was sticking needles in my arm in November, December and January, so I just want to know for sure. I usually bought them at Walgreens, but if it was 2:00 in the morning, I bought them on the street. They always looked new.
These people here are very nice. I just babbled my life story to a student. The University of California is doing a study here. Not only did I get that needle in my arm, but I volunteered to get my finger pricked. I guess they were testing to see if the same results came from the finger as the arm. I also filled out a survey.
It's a beautiful day outside. I gotta get back to The Haight. It was foggy when I left. It may be sunny now. It's almost 1:00. I hope it's sunny.
(10/21 - Apparently, I did copy and paste a response from another friend from that post in which I got that "JACKASS" response. It read:
"So like me you are O + blood type. Keep your head up Dave, You have come too far to look back now. You are not the same man you were 7, or 8 months ago. I for one am one that is extremely proud of you, and not only that, I am inspired by you. I hope one day you can return to your roots, even for just a visit, here in Cincinnati. You are absolutely right, for you it was much more than addiction, and I will leave it at that. At the same time, I have no shame friend, in telling you I am proud of all you have achieved so far, and I have been busy in Life myself. But I always keep an eye on you. Stay strong, You CAN WIN!"
Responses like that give my chills down my shattered spine. It's responses like that that keep me going and remind my that The Truth really does matter. It helps me so much. If it somehow helps or inspires just one other person, than it is more than worth the time I spend sharing my Truth. So many have helped me and tell me I inspire them. It makes all my insanity make a little bit of since. Thank you God.
Thirty days, lord and thirty nights
I'm comin' home on an airplane flight
Mama waitin' at the ticket line
Tell me son why do you stand there cryin'
It was the needle and the spoon
And a trip to the moon
Took me away, took me away
I've been feelin' so sick and tired
Got to get better, lord before I die
Seven doctors couldn't help my head, they said
You better quit, son before your dead
Quit the needle. Quit the spoon
Quit the trip to the moon
We gonna take you away. Lord, we gonna take you away
It was the needle and the spoon
I've seen a lot of people who thought they were cool
But then again, lord I've seen a lot of fools
Well, I hope you people, lord can hear what I say
You'll have your chance to hit it some day
Don't mess with the needle or a spoon
Or any trip to the moon
It'll take you away
Lord, their gonna bury you boy
Don't mess with the needle
Now I know, I know, I know...
I'm comin' home on an airplane flight
Mama waitin' at the ticket line
Tell me son why do you stand there cryin'
It was the needle and the spoon
And a trip to the moon
Took me away, took me away
I've been feelin' so sick and tired
Got to get better, lord before I die
Seven doctors couldn't help my head, they said
You better quit, son before your dead
Quit the needle. Quit the spoon
Quit the trip to the moon
We gonna take you away. Lord, we gonna take you away
It was the needle and the spoon
I've seen a lot of people who thought they were cool
But then again, lord I've seen a lot of fools
Well, I hope you people, lord can hear what I say
You'll have your chance to hit it some day
Don't mess with the needle or a spoon
Or any trip to the moon
It'll take you away
Lord, their gonna bury you boy
Don't mess with the needle
Now I know, I know, I know...
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