“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
LIGHTS
I am ready to get back to my City by the Bay. I really
do love that city. There really is just something about it. It feels good
to be on a northbound CalTrain.
When the lights go down in the City
And the sun shines on the bay
Do I want to be there in my City
Ooh, ooh
So you think you're lonely
Well my friend I'm lonely too
I want to get back to my City by the bay
Ooh, ooh
It's sad, oh there's been mornings out on the road without you,
Without your charms,
Ooh, my, my, my, my, my
When the lights go down in the City
And the sun shines on the bay
Do I want to be there in my City
Ooh, ooh
When the lights go down in the City
And the sun shines on the bay
Do I want to be there in my City
Ooh, ooh
Being in the Santa Cruz Mountains at Camp MayMac was pretty amazing. It is so beautiful. However, it seems evil never gives up on me. Even in the beautiful serene mountains. Late at night, I would go out and gaze at the stars. You could see the milky way. Towards the end of the week I would be visited by an alien. For now, let's get this part over with.
GREED
I’ve been clean for almost four months now and I have had four instances where someone has come at me. I even got hit in the back of the head in the Tenderloin on the way to YWAM last Wednessday. Some crazy crack head was following behind Ronnie Van Zant and I calling us "skinheads" and "white pieces of shit" and lots of very bad things. I have no idea why. We simply ignored him. I heard him getting closer but chose not to turn around. He smacked me in the back of the head with an open hand. I of course turned around and he was swinging at me again. I ducked back this time and pulled up my fists and said, “I’m going to knock you fucking head off!” He backed off. As I turned to walk away, he came again. I turned around and said, "Dude, you better back off!” Again he backed off. Ronnie Van Zant said to him, "Dude were in a program." I don't like to react like that. I don't like that I had a dead aim right on his mouth. I'm not like that!
By this time, we had reached YWAM’s door. The YWAM guys heard me yelling at him and said, “Come on inside man it’s okay.” It looked like I was the problem, so Ronnie Van Zant said in Southern Northern Florida accent, “Dude smacked Dave 'cross da back a da head.” Dude was still yelling, “White mother fuckers!” I said, "call the police on this guy!” He said, “I just smacked you!” Exactly.
I’m just grateful The King and The Prince were far behind. I prayed crazy crackhead would be no where near as we left. I wasn't afraid of him, but these guys would have pummeled him and I didn’t want that to happen. They're good young men but they both have some tough pasts. I want to keep both these young men out of trouble and on “our” side. It's like in football, many times the first hit is not seen.
So the Devil at MayMac came in the form of my “friend” Rudy - Go figure. He’s always difficult but he and I have gotten along. I’ve loved him from a distance and tuned the cheek on some of his behaviors. I’ve tried to encourage him and help him. Every morning in a small group of four of us, we are asked what we are grateful for, what challenges we are having and how someone can help? Rudy’s response to what his challenge is every morning is “CityTeam”. This place is tough, but it’s not really like that for him.
He is so ungrateful. It bothers me, but I chalk it up to honesty and we got along. I tried to encourage him. I told him that he should not, as he always let us all know, “hit the pipe” as soon as he gets out of here because he “can handle it.” Leave now! Oh wait. He has no where to go. Try the street. Try being an asshole out there. If I sound angry it’s because I am. I give this man a lot of grace and despite what you have just read, I care about him and love him.
I was not ungrateful in my true understanding of all that Susan did for me, but I was ungrateful in my actions. Actions matter the most. That's kind of why I consider Rudy's BS to be just that. Ultimately, the love of my life had to cast me out into the darkness. It was hard for both of us. She gave more chances than I ever deserved.
CityTeam has given him many chances. He even relapsed and they gave him another chance after only making him do four days of detox. Your not supposed to be able to come back for thirty days. He had no where to go. It seems he got it for a bit. Walden House seemed to open his eyes. That place is a great place, but it’s a little more hardcore there then here.
I’m not going to get into everything he was doing wrong, but he was doing things he should not at MayMac. He told me, “I know I can trust you!” That’s not how I want to be trusted! I’ve said this before. Still, I don’t go to anyone about it. Perhaps I should have. I have a hard time with this. I just want to talk about the next person who would say to me, “I trust you.”
I have to write about this. It matters. Rudy was defiant to everything he was told to do. He was late all the time. He was inappropriate around the counselors AND the kids. I DID speak up when he was inappropriate around the kids. It was only verbal, but it was wrong. There were beautiful young camp counselors there. I'll admit, I've been guilty of talking "macho - nice ass" bullshit on occasion, but not in front of kids! All the time is wrong. It's not really like he meant them to hear, but it was possible they did. As far as me talking that way anytime around anyone - I need to rise above that. There is a proper way to express ones feelings about attractions without saying, "She's got a nice ass." I've been guilty. I have known better in the past. Again, I only have ever done it in front of my guy friends. It's still wrong. God always kn0ws. I need to remember this.
He also thought it made sense for him to explain to Olga how I'm a sex addict. If Olga has read this she'd know this, but that's not the point here. He also told her how he can have sex with out drugs. I know I write about the stuff I have done in this blog. I know I talk about peoples actions in this blog, but I wouldn't talk about something someone shared with me in group at CityTeam or anytime. I am very open about what I have done, not what you have done. I'm getting tired of not talking about what people are doing! I was only with them trying to rescue Olga anyway. I just don't understand.
The above occurrences is not where the problem occurred. The problem occurred because I talked too much. I was kind of the point guy for our group - no one else seemed to want to do it. I didn't mind. So when a staff person for instance would talk to me about something, Rudy would say, “Come on Dave, get to work!” Or, “Shut up Dave, lets do this!” I talk a lot. I also work very hard very long. I may pause in my work when I listen sometimes. I also ignore his continued heckling me. It’s just Rudy. My heads not all there either a lot. I got a lot on my mind. Sometimes I wonder around kind of lost. I try to explain this. It doesn't happen often or for long and it's not like I'm trying not to work. I actually like being snapped out of it. It wasn't really that either for Rudy. It was more about when I talked.
I talked a lot to the kids at the camp. These kids at the camp are what I really would rather be writing about right now. I plan to.
Basically Rudy went to the director of Camp MayMac, John and told him I needed to quit talking so much. "It was bothering people." The director told me, “The guys said this!” I said, "What Guys?" I knew it was Rudy, because he even said that to Olga and she told me. I do have a talking reputation and MayMac does want us to pretend like were in the movie Dirty Dancing to some degree. And, I get it. I do. I’ll get to all that. “Nobody puts baby in the corner!”
So, once John said this to me, I was mad. Especially after all Rudy had been doing wrong and I of course turned the other cheek. So, I went to all three of them and confronted them all. I knew who it was. But the director said, “Your three guys” I tried to ask all three of “my guys”, The King, Surfer Dude and Rudy at the same time but Rudy walked around the corner. The King and Surfer Dude of course had no idea what I was talking about. So I looked around the corner, and said it to Rudy. He said “YOU DO TALK TO MUCH!” I said “you talk to much!” This guy NEVER shuts up. Never. And, when he’s talking, he’s saying nonsense. For instance he had to say to all 140 campers who come through the line, “Ice Cream? Ice Cream? Ice Cream……140 times when he was serving mashed potatoes. Or using inappropriate a language around high school kids about inappropriate things.
So once again, I had someone coming at me yelling, “YOU MOTHER FUCKER!” As I raised my fists - prepared to defend myself, I suddenly felt myself going backwards. I now know it was The King. He pulled me back and grabbed Rudy by the neck to stop him from getting to me.
I went looking for John. John sent me to the office and I got reprimanded for “talking” to them after I was told not to talk! I told him, “That’s how we're told to handle it in San Francsico” Go to the offender first. The problem was, it was building up. I let it. I still didn’t think he’d react like that. I probably should have waited a while to discuss it with them. I was angry. I probably shouldn't have went to him like that. I apologized to John and tried to learn from it. Is anger always bad?
At the end of that shift, I put my headphones and ran really hard to Godsmack.
So, you see evil - your only making me stronger. I’ll continue to love. Good prevails. Rudy my friend, you better hop on board. Getting your housing and "hitting the pipe" is not the answer! God is capable of a lot of Grace, but things have to change or things will get dark. You don't want Leroy coming for you.
Two faced! I feel you crawling under my skin.
Sickened by your face.
By the way, to think that you're so fucking kind?
You ain't!
Hard to find how I feel, especially when you're smothering me.
Hard to find how I feel, please someone help me!
I knew when an angel whispered into my ear,
You gotta get him away.
Hey little bitch! Be glad you finally walked away or
you may have not lived another day.
Hard to find how I feel, especially when you're smothering me.
Hard to find how I feel, please someone help me.
Hard to find how I feel, controlling me every step of the way.
Hard to find how I feel, you greedy little baby!!
The live video version jams, but it had women flashing their breasts. Part of me wanted to use it and basically say, "it's rock-n-roll people." The other part remembered the next video in this blog is a Disney song. I love the sticking with reality of what things are really like, but I love kids more - especially for this blog. I live in confusing city when it comes to nudity.
Later that day, I got this email from my uncle Giles from Florida:
Sickened by your face.
By the way, to think that you're so fucking kind?
You ain't!
Hard to find how I feel, especially when you're smothering me.
Hard to find how I feel, please someone help me!
I knew when an angel whispered into my ear,
You gotta get him away.
Hey little bitch! Be glad you finally walked away or
you may have not lived another day.
Hard to find how I feel, especially when you're smothering me.
Hard to find how I feel, please someone help me.
Hard to find how I feel, controlling me every step of the way.
Hard to find how I feel, you greedy little baby!!
The live video version jams, but it had women flashing their breasts. Part of me wanted to use it and basically say, "it's rock-n-roll people." The other part remembered the next video in this blog is a Disney song. I love the sticking with reality of what things are really like, but I love kids more - especially for this blog. I live in confusing city when it comes to nudity.
Later that day, I got this email from my uncle Giles from Florida:
David,
despite what others are saying or calling you, I have noticed the change in
your writing since you have been made clean. In the past you have acknowledge
that this is a war. There are two scriptures I want to reference.
The
first is, Ephesians 6:12, For
our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against
the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the
spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Demonic forces are using people with or without
their knowledge to accomplish the work of Satan. Satan's is here
to steal kill and destroy. I suggest that you let the demonic forces
know in prayer, that you are not who you use to be, that you have been set
free of addiction.
The second scripture is John 8:36, so if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
Claim from the mountaintops!!!!You are
free!!!
David study all the scriptures and claim the
promises God has made to you. You are no longer part of a mediocre life;
God has a great life planed for you. One more scripture this one is free.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,”
declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future.
No longer are you a tweeker. You are now and forever a seeker.
Love,
Giles
Rudy did apologize. We're "buddies" again. I'm not sure I'm okay with this. I'm not sure I want to take it head on either. I'll probably have to to some degree Monday. Today, he was slamming things so hard, counselors came in to see what was up. He was asked not to come to his last shift. The King was supposed to get off. I told The King God recognizes what he is doing extra. It is hard and long work there and we only got two shifts off the entire week.
Rudy was touched by evil at a young age. He’s got to figure this out soon. He’s skating on thin ice. I can’t wait to be in Jonathon's office next week! (this is sarcasm) Fun. Now, lets get to the Good part.
Rudy was touched by evil at a young age. He’s got to figure this out soon. He’s skating on thin ice. I can’t wait to be in Jonathon's office next week! (this is sarcasm) Fun. Now, lets get to the Good part.
Chain Reaction
Good! It's easy to fall in love with the Santa Cruz Mountains. They are beautiful.Camp MayMac is so beautiful. So many beautiful things happened there. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I’m not even sure what it is. "Some kind of alien?" First things first. These three staff member kids, Abraham, Kevin and Rafael, were very nice and we had some fun times with them. They are young and going to be good leaders some day. "We" played volleyball a few times. I say, "We" because I couldn't play much. My ribs were still healing. They are much better now. They don't always hurt anymore. By the way - the injury occurred during a bike wreck. Some people thought I was beat up for taking pictures of naked girls on bikes. I guess I kind of was - by me.
I have allergies when I'm not in San Francisco. I bought a bottle of Walatin before I went and regularly took it whether I felt my allergies or not. Thankfully, I sneezed only once. I almost hit the floor.
Rafael and Kevin |
Abraham |
Olga |
It was also easy to fall in love with these 140 kids who were here camping. They were "my people". The group they were with was called F.A.M.E. - Future Artists, Musicians and Entertainers. They were a incredibly fun bunch. I was not allowed to photograph them, but I thought this photo might help represent who they are:
Everyone got a nickname at camp! Perfect for this blog. My nickname was Tiger because of my Bengals hat. This worked, because I was also a Loveland Tiger. The King's nickname - Shark. He's from San Jose and was wearing his Sharks hat. It was fun. It also was kind of nice to have young lady camp counselors who were "my people" with nicknames like, Sweet Pee, Bambi and Echo saying, "Hey Tiger."
The talented kids really helped. One of the reasons I talked so much to them is because the talked so much to me. I had no idea what kind of kids were going to be at the camp, My wardrobe just happens to consist of Grateful Dead, Journey, Van Halen and White Stripes t-shirts. When a kid says, "cool shirt," I usually responded with a "thanks." When they said more, I said more. I was still mindful of the pace of the line.
I also understand why we are encouraged not to talk. There was one young girl there who was "special" - Kit Kat. Kit Kat did not have a nickname for a while. Kit Kat never called me by my nickname. She called me Dave. She would always say, "Hey Dave, how ya doin?" or "What's up Dave?". One day she was coming through the line and I asked her by her real name, what her nickname was. She said, "I don't have a nickname." I said, "Well you need one." Rudy said, "How about Wee Wee or Pee Pee or Poo Poo?" Grow up. She just looked at him through her purple coke bottle glasses and said, "I don't like those." and walked on. She was so cute.
The next time she came through the line, I suggested Sun Shine. She said, "it's okay." I asked her, "What do you like?" She said, "Ummmm, I like cats! I was maybe thinking Kit Kat." I said, "Perfect."
At other times the kids would erupt as one table in the "We got spirit yes we do, we got spirit how bout you" cheer and then point to another table. And they'd jump up with a more creative way of doing it. On the last day we were there, they got popsicles. This really excited them. Esecially Kit Kat. She always sat near the serving counter and yelled "Thanks Dave!" Then, the entire room erupted in a "We love the kitchen crew" chant. I just loved these kids.
I love surfer dude a lot , but even he can be a little short with people. He's got a lot going on. He is a really good guy. We laugh a lot together. He gives me some of the best advice of anyone at CityTeam and I respect him. He took the polar opposite approach as me and said next to nothing to anyone - as we were kind of asked to do. We were told to respond when talked to. He came across kind of rude sometimes. He can be manic. I know how he feels, but I tend to still be nice to people even when I’m feeling down or frustrated or tired or whatever. It wasn’t that bad, but I was uncomfortable for the kids sometimes. He may not have even realized it. None of us are perfect.
A lot of these kids were vegetarians! I get that. One day he was serving macaroni and cheese in the serving line. A kid asked, “Is this vegetarian?” He said, “It’s macaroni and cheese” He could have added “you idiot” at the end if you know what I’m saying. I said, "Yes, it's vegetarian."
Today at lunch, we had a choice of either grilled cheese sandwiches or grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. When Kit Kat got to the line, she said, “Hi Dave? What cha got?” I said, “I got potato chips.” She said, “I love potato chips Dave!” I said, “Well here you go Kit Kat” When she asked Surfer Dude he took his spatially pointed at the grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and said, "HAM", then, he pointed at the grilled cheese sandwiches and said, "CHEESE". She looked very confused. She then stood up on her tiptoes and looked in the pan and said, “Oh, why don’t you just say grilled cheese like a normal person!” I laughed so much over that. I’m laughing now - on a packed rush hour Cal-Train. Ribs!
There must be a Giants game tonight. This thing is awfully crowded for a northbound train at evening rush hour. It's also very orange and black. The Giants stadium is about a block away from the San Francisco Cal-Train Station. I'm wearing orange and black. I'm wearing my Cincinnati Bengals hat and this Journey shirt I just realized I happen to be wearing is orange and black.
Despite how hard it was there at times, I laughed a lot this last week. I smiled a lot also. Thanks to these awesome kids and an old friend. I’ll get to that. So you get the gist of how I talk too much. Guilty. These kids were my people! I didn’t know that when I packed my wardrobe.
NEXT STOP SAN FRANCISCO 4TH AND KING STATION
I gotta go. I may finish this tonight. I may not. I'll definitely be at Brainwash until I have to be lead! AHH! Gratitude.
(The next day)
It seems like I wrote on this at Brainwash last night and I don't think I lost anything. Perhaps I wrote above in the middle somewhere. Space-Time.
I guess I filled in above all this. Whatever.
We had fun. We hiked. Played. Danced. Yes Danced. The King and I were asked to participate in a flash mob at dinner time with the all high school girls dancers. It was pretty fun. We were to start dancing behind the serving line when the music just instantly started and then join in on the already practiced dance routine. We did. All 140 kids pretty much instantly joined it. It was kind of like - FAME.
We worked our butts off also, but most of us made the best of it too. The King can Dance! I love this kid.
We also spent some time at their nightly performances at the stage by the campfire. They were going to be performing some of American Idiot by Green Day Saturday. I wish I could have seen that. That entire album is pretty much my entire life. It's currently a play at the Orpheum Theater and Surfer Dudes daughter is in it. Pretty awesome.
So everyone knows how I lost my iPod of course. The other day, The King and I road our bikes to church and afterward went to the flea market in The Mission. I bought an MP3 player for $20. It had two songs already on it. On the day the kids were to arrive, I was running to the road and just as I got there I decided I would take some photos. Godsmack was a little heavy for the scene so I looked for something else. Pretty much everything was too heavy. Okay, I also love Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez! I used to love to watch Hannah Montana. I would play the theme song on guitar and Susan would sing and dance to it. We had fun sometimes. I helped her move some boxes today and we divided up some stuff today. Emotions are weird for me.
Right as I pulled my camera out and turned on the Disney song, Send it On, two bus loads of kids pulled in - everyone one of them were waving through the window. It was quite a moment!
[Verse 1: Nick and Miley]
A word is just a word
Til you mean what you say
And love isn't love
Til you give it away
We've all gotta give
Yeah something to give
To make a change
[Chorus: Nick and Miley]
Send it on, on and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong shine a light and send it on
[Verse 2: Demi and Joe]
Just smile and the world
Will smile along with you
That small act of love
That's meant for one will become two
If we take the chances
To change circumstances
Imagine all we can do if we..
[Chorus: Everyone]
Send it on, on and on
Just one that can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong, shine a light and send it on
[Bridge: Selena Gomez]
Send it on...
There's power in all of the choices we make
So i'm starting now there's not a moment to waste
A words just a word
Til you mean what you say
And love isn't love
Til you give it away
[Chorus: Everyone]
Send it on, on and on
Just one that can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong shine a light and send it on
[Chorus: Everyone]
Send it on, on and on
Just one that can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make us strong shine a light and send it on
Shine a light and send it on
Shine a light and send it on
A word is just a word
Til you mean what you say
And love isn't love
Til you give it away
We've all gotta give
Yeah something to give
To make a change
[Chorus: Nick and Miley]
Send it on, on and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong shine a light and send it on
[Verse 2: Demi and Joe]
Just smile and the world
Will smile along with you
That small act of love
That's meant for one will become two
If we take the chances
To change circumstances
Imagine all we can do if we..
[Chorus: Everyone]
Send it on, on and on
Just one that can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong, shine a light and send it on
[Bridge: Selena Gomez]
Send it on...
There's power in all of the choices we make
So i'm starting now there's not a moment to waste
A words just a word
Til you mean what you say
And love isn't love
Til you give it away
[Chorus: Everyone]
Send it on, on and on
Just one that can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong shine a light and send it on
[Chorus: Everyone]
Send it on, on and on
Just one that can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make us strong shine a light and send it on
Shine a light and send it on
Shine a light and send it on
Love Walks In
So if you've been reading this blog, you know I've been having a hard time lately. I thought the trip to the mountains would do me some good. It really did in the end, but all the drama on top of the hard work really weighed on me when I'm already struggling.
So many people have been so supportive to me. This blog is supposed to help people. When people tell me it does, that matters. I'm not fishing with this either. I just want it to. So many people support me and tell me it helps them. Many of them are my old friends from Loveland. Many of them, I wasn't that close with but have become closer to because of this blog.
I never really expected this blog to be what it is. I wanted it to be something. It is something. I don't even know what it is.
An old friend from Loveland started emailing me about a month ago. She started writing things to me like, "You are making an unbelievably wonderful difference in this world. Trust me." Then when I started to really struggle she said, "I care about you. Even when you don't care about you. Thanks for sharing
your honest feelings. You ARE helping others. I promise."
I get so many nice comments like that when I write blogs. I don't need them, really, but I guess it does help remind me what this is all about.
So many people have been there for me recently. This last week was amazing, but it was hard for me. Really hard. I'm not good with confrontation. I care about people. I'm not perfect.
I can see now how the crazy emotions at MayMac brought a lot of help my way. Susan, Olga, Giles, The King, Surfer Dude, Gina, John and most of all - God.
Then there was my old friend from Loveland. She brought out something in me I really haven't felt in a long time. This woman is very beautiful and very amazing. I knew her before I knew Susan in high school and would consider her my third crush really. I had kind of given up on crushes. The first two never materialized and I had a nice relationship with drugs and alcohol.
Then Susan came along and many things changed. Susan inspired me to be a much better person and probably do less drugs -for a while. My world was beautiful for a long time. Then, we all know what happened.
This young lady would go on to have a pretty amazing and sometimes hard life like many of us. I know this from what little time I've had to learn about her via this computer. I knew she was very cute and cool (really cool), but I had no idea how smart and caring and strong and lots of other good things she is. She really is an amazing person.
The thing about her is she changed the way I feel about me. I understand we are a couple of thousand miles apart and I am in early recovery. I am also an emotional mess and I am lonely. However, she gave me a lot this past week. I did talk to her about my struggles some and how I would have to confront a difficult situation. When I did she said things like, "Stay calm, you are very strong."
I really enjoyed just "chatting" with her. I enjoyed laughing and smiling with her - even though I couldn't see her laugh and smile - unless you count that silly little yellow thing and lol. I could see her pictures and that she hasn't changed a bit. I said in a previous blog I fall in love with every pretty girl that smiles at me. I do, but this is not really like that. I really care about this deep loving friendship we seemed to have quickly developed. We really do seem to connect in many ways. I could see her smile in my memories from over twenty years ago. I loved her smile, but there was always something about her eyes.
It sounds like it feels like 0r should that be the other way around? I am grateful it is at a distance. It's probably best. And, if I only get from it what I already got and nothing more, then I'm happy and grateful. She helped me. I hope to stay in touch and plan to, but my world is complicated. I NEVER want to hurt another person for the rest of my life. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I need to become 100% self sufficient in life - like she seems to be. San Francisco is probably my home for a while if not forever. I know all this. I'm happy about this. I still love what we have.
It feels good to me. It changed me a little at a time when I needed changing. I told her how I loved the way she communicated. I can't really explain it. Her chosen words are kind of memorizing to me.
I was really confused about my feelings for her. The
King who was my roommate in the house at MayMac while I spent many of my free hours late into the night "chatting" with her. As to my confused comments, The King simply said to me, "David, she's cute.
She's cool. Your available." He's right. It's all kind of new to me.
She's really smart. Really successful. Really strong. Really sweet. Really amazing. She said a lot of kind things to me, but it was the to the point phrases she said to me like, "I trust you." and "I don't feel sorry for you." and "You are beautiful." that really changes something about the way I feel about myself and what I am trying to do.
She also said, "I had a crush on you when I was 15." Twenty some years ago made a little sense.
So many things have changed since then. I think we are good for each other. I like this lap-top relationship. It feels safe. She is amazing. After a couple late night chats, the radio in my head went from hard core rock-n-roll an sad songs to love songs.
If someone would have told me I'd be in the Santa Cruz mountains and I'd have an alien encounter....I probably would have believed them! Whatever that week meant for me isn't nearly as important as what it meant for the larger picture of Love.
Thank you.
The second concert of probably about 1000 concerts I have been to was the Van Halen 5150 tour at Cincinnati Gardens. We camped out for tickets and two nights were sold out in less than an hour. I was in middle school and I had a crush on someone. This was my favorite song.
Contact is all that it takes
To change your life, to lose your place in time
Contact. Asleep or awake
Coming around you may wake up to find
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Questions deep within your eyes
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Now more than ever, you realize
(Ooo-ooo)
And then you sense a change
Nothin' feels the same
All your dreams are strange
Love comes walkin' in
Some kind of alien
Waits for the opening
Simply pulls a string
Another world, some other time
You lay your sanity on the line
Familiar faces, familiar sights
Reach back, remember with all your might
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Ooh, and there she stands in a silken gown
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Silver lights shinin' down
(Ooo-ooo)
And then you sense a change
Nothin' feels the same
All your dreams are strange
Love comes walkin' in
Some kind of alien
Waits for the opening
Simply pulls a string
Love comes walkin' in
(Guitar Solo)
Oh, sleep and dream; that's all I crave
I travel far across the milky way
To my master I become a slave
'Til we meet again some other day
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Where silence speaks as loud as war
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Earth returns to what it was before
(Ooo-ooo)
And then you sense a change
Nothin' feels the same
All your dreams are strange
Love comes walkin' in
Some kind of alien
Waits for the opening
Simply pulls a string
Love comes walkin' in
(Guitar Solo)
Love comes walkin' in
Baby, pull the string
Love comes walkin' in
Love comes walkin' in, yeah!
Huh-uh! Ye-ah, oh-oh oh
To change your life, to lose your place in time
Contact. Asleep or awake
Coming around you may wake up to find
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Questions deep within your eyes
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Now more than ever, you realize
(Ooo-ooo)
And then you sense a change
Nothin' feels the same
All your dreams are strange
Love comes walkin' in
Some kind of alien
Waits for the opening
Simply pulls a string
Another world, some other time
You lay your sanity on the line
Familiar faces, familiar sights
Reach back, remember with all your might
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Ooh, and there she stands in a silken gown
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Silver lights shinin' down
(Ooo-ooo)
And then you sense a change
Nothin' feels the same
All your dreams are strange
Love comes walkin' in
Some kind of alien
Waits for the opening
Simply pulls a string
Love comes walkin' in
(Guitar Solo)
Oh, sleep and dream; that's all I crave
I travel far across the milky way
To my master I become a slave
'Til we meet again some other day
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Where silence speaks as loud as war
(Ooo-ooo-ooo)
Earth returns to what it was before
(Ooo-ooo)
And then you sense a change
Nothin' feels the same
All your dreams are strange
Love comes walkin' in
Some kind of alien
Waits for the opening
Simply pulls a string
Love comes walkin' in
(Guitar Solo)
Love comes walkin' in
Baby, pull the string
Love comes walkin' in
Love comes walkin' in, yeah!
Huh-uh! Ye-ah, oh-oh oh
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