Guardian

Well, I probably took my last run with Phil today.  Susan's parents get here tonight.  I probably won't be around that much and they'll be flying him back with them.  They will leave and then The King and I will help Susan load the shipping container. Then, Susan goes to the east coast for couple of days, comes back and then it's goodbye.

Reuben and Cerise have a home in Cincinnati.  Thanks guys!  I really appreciate your taking them.  Reuben is currently licking my nose as I write this. He's a loving cat.  He loves attention!.   Now he's knocking my hat off my head with his nose.  I'll miss him but I know he'll be in a good home and at least I can visit them some day.

Today was hard.  I spent most of it in the hospital.  One of our graduates had a stroke on Monday and was moved from the ICU in San Francisco to a recovery unit in Vallejo.  He's a good guy.  I also know his wife who is a sweet person.  I drove her to Vallejo to be with him. At least he's out of intensive care and will recover.  It was nice to see him.

Being in that Kaiser ICU-like unit made me think of what it must have been like for Susan that week I was in the ICU.  I only have one vague memory of me being on a walker staring at an exit.  Susan has said she said to me, "What?  You planning you big escape?"  

Apparently I was.  After leaving the hospital, I was wearing very little and barefoot on 6th street buying drugs while Susan was begging me not to, calling my step-mother, telling my dealers I had been in the ICU (if it wasn't already obvious) and trying to get me arrested.  I vaguely remember that also.

I would come really aware of where I was after shooting up in the woods out by the Golden Gate Bridge.  Apparently the meth overtook the benzodiazepines the hospital had me on.  I realized something was up when I found a heart monitor on my chest.  I'm so glad that insanity is over. 

Creating new memories by helping people see their loved ones is what I need to be doing.  It was nice to see the two of them with each other.  I am taking her back again tomorrow.

There is this really good radio station out here called KFOG.  Every morning they do this thing called 10 at 10.  At 10:00 AM, they play 10 songs from a different year every day.  Today, they picked 1992 - the year Susan graduated.  Many of the chosen songs reminded me of those days on the drive to the hospital.  I really felt the words to many of them.

KFOG 10@10 July 20th, 2012:

(News: Rodney King: "Can we all get along?")
  1. Annie Lennox - Why?
  2. Sugar - Helpless
(News: Not guilty verdict on police charged in Rodney King beating/ L.A. Riots )
  3. Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven
(News: Rodney King: "Can we all get along?")
  4. Bruce Springsteen - Human Touch
(TV clips: Sinead O'Connor tears photo of pope on SNL/ Barney - I love you, you love me)
  5. Soup Dragons - Divine Thing
  6. The Cure - Friday I'm in Love
(Movie: Wayne's World - "Just because we broke up doesn't mean we can't see each other")
  7. En Vogue - My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)
  8. Peter Gabriel - Kiss That Frog
  9. The Sugarcubes - Hit (B.O.S!)
(Movie: My Cousin Vinny - Biological clock)
 10. U2 - Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses
(TV: Ren & Stimpy - Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!)

Susan and I stayed in Vallejo the first few days we were in California until we found an apartment in the Lower Haight.  We had our dog Willie and our cat Lexie so we stayed in a Motel 6.  I drove past it today on the way back from the hospital.  It just brought back a lot of memories.

Susan told me what she's going to name her daughter.  I loved it.  Let's put it this way - It would make a great blog some day.  Might Susan have chosen a song title to name her child?  Susan never wanted to be mother, but will be a great one.

I'm really going to embrace my role at CityTeam.  I may do more than most and complain about being "reeled in", but I am grateful for the things I do.  I do love helping people.  I do care about those guys.  I like being the lead at night so I can be there for and help the new guys.  

I also like being our driver so I can pick up donations to help feed us and the needy in San Francisco.   I have recently been called an angel.  Sure beats feeling like the devil.

You, you who has smiled when you’re in pain
You who has soldiered through the profane
They were distracted and shut down

So why, why would you talk to me at all
such words were dishonorable and in vain
their promise as solid as a fog

and where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

you, you in the chaos feigning sane
You who has pushed beyond what’s humane
Them as the ghostly tumbleweed

And where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

now no more smiling mid crestfall
No more managing unmanageables
No more holding still in the hailstorm

Now enter your watchwoman

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian